As you might imagine I would not recommend this.

But, sometimes, that’s what I have been known to do a bit of overkill.  Not literally of course, although a few mosquito bites on me can swell into an itchy, red mountain range—-this is a metaphorical attempt at being humorous and human—regarding a less than attractive trait whichI am intent on figuring out.

Sometimes, I can over-react and get much angrier than the situation calls for.  These over-reactions come on in an instant and fill me with feelings of utter idiocy, afterward.  I have never been a road-rager but since I can get close to these acts of insanity, I have great respect and compassion for where this particular stupidity comes from.

In case you don’t know what I am talking about—-it is a situation where the access to anger is immediate and ferocious—–it’s not a simmering thing but more like a fork zinging a filling kind of thing. 

Take the yard man, the other day.  We have a townhouse where the only way to get to the series of connected courtyards that makes up our entire “yard” is through our front door and entryway.  It requires that a drop cloth be laid out on the floor every time the small army he brings with him comes tromping through the house in their muddy feet.  They lay out the cloth……and when they pick it up to put it away……they shake it out—–all over the white floors and the custom runner I had woven by a zillion tiny ladies with their even tinier fingers for 7 months in Tibet. Every single week, no matter what.

Last week, in a “blowtorch” moment—I caught the attention of the man standing in the entry way as he had just performed another shake-fest on the floor—-pointing at the mess and raising my voice.  He looked at me like I was the personfication of Creulla Devile while whimpering “por favor, por favor!”.  I grabbed the folded drop cloth out of his hand as he raced to the waiting truck and took the thing into the garage where I shook it and shook it and shook it and shook it.  And shook it some more—even though most of the dirt balls were still rolling around on my Tibetan runner inside.  Then, I crumpled with the cloth, in the middle of the garage, just me and the suffocating summer stinch coming from the too-warm trash cans….and had a good boo-hoodle of a cry.

Heavens.  We have a vacuum.  And, heavens, even more—we have yard men, for God’s sakes—who are laying out and picking up drop cloths as best they can. Am I the lucky one, or what??? Get a grip.

So, I have learned to process several things when times like these happen or when I snap at my husband about something like closing a cabinet, as if he had let our grandchild out into the traffic—-here they are:

1.  What old negative belief has been triggered and re-inforced?  In the case of the yard men—-one of the beliefs is that if I am going to get anything done, right—I have to do it myself.  When I can recognize that old pattern of thinking I can interrupt it—-because that’s not really true.  Another belief is that “men don’t listen to me”.  I am still working on that one because men hear and communicate differently—something I need to learn, is the way to be heard, the first time. I can work on that.

2.  When was the first time you felt this feeling? To have this much of a reaction means there is a history of unresolved core issues.  Sometimes, I can work through these realizations myself. Other times, I need to help of a therapist or trained mind-body workers who can help me identify what needs to get unstuck.

3.  Is there really something else bothering me that I cannot or will not deal with—-is this anger or fear that is being mis-directed?  This may not have anything to do with long-term issues but something that is very much in the forefront of my life that I cannot resolve or feel helpless to fix or am fearing for the future.  This is when I can call on my faith to guide me into the present moment.  What is true right now? 

As with all things and every emotion—they are there to be our teachers if we are willing to see the lesson and receive the gift.  If you find yourself over-reacting to situations—be gentle with yourself, after apologizing to the ‘mosquito’—and seek to understand where your boiling points are.  Those boiling points are powerful energy seeking a way out.  Left there to simmer, your life can literally feel like a perpetual pressure cooker.  We all have issues from our past to resolve and they will present themselves over and over again until we find a way to deal with them.  Some of us drink the boiling points away.  Some of us eat what we can’t say.  And, no matter what—if they are not truly understood and resolved—-they will never go away.