Screams of Consciousness » SILLY HUMAN STUFF

Will this make my ass look big?

Peggy — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:34:33 +0000

No way——just watching this parody on Beyonce’s “All The Single Ladies”—will cause you to laugh, whatever ass you may have…right off.

“All the Wrinkled Ladies” by Janice Renfroe!

If you’re reading this in email and can’t see the video, click here to view online.

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Party Hearty

Peggy — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:09:09 +0000

I love parties. Everything about them. The planning, the decorating,selecting the music, the menu-making, the invitation—-which is the first phase of setting the stage. I really get into it.

One year, I had a brunch. For the invitation, I used those bacon boxes with the front flap that let’s you peek at the strips inside the package. I never really understood what I was supposed to be looking for when I raised that flap but it occurred to me that these boxes would make a great and goofy invitation.

I removed the bacon and inserted the invitation, superimposed over a photographed background of fried eggs. Then, these boxes were hand delivered to all the guests. It’s hard to ignore a box of bacon in your mailbox or sitting on your desk when you get back from lunch. Everyone came—walking through the door, laughing. Even though,as a result of this invitation “brainstorm”, it took almost three years to consume(don’t panic—bacon freezes forever)—it was totally worth it. Every time, I look at a strip of bacon to this day—-it makes me smile, in spite of the grease, calories and cholesterol.

A great party has a way of sticking with you, doesn’t it?

A friend, who has attended most of my parties over the years, told me that he thought of me as being in the “transportation business”. From the time people get the invite—-they become transported from wherever they are to a much happier place.

For me, it’s one of the best ways to switch my own gears as well. I have been feeling a bit blue lately—but I knew my book club was on its way to my house for an evening of girl talk and catching up—-and, oh yes, discussing our literary adventures.

Creating and setting the table, three days in advance, definitely enabled me to pick my lip up off the floor. I “fluffed” it up for Easter which was just around the corner—all the colors ushering in spring, bunny ears for everyone, fresh flowers floating in a little pool in the middle of the table, poofy napkins, pink candles….the whole bit. Every time I walked past the table, it made me smile—-friends, food, laughter and fun…..on the way. The anticipation, alone, shifted everything.

Want to shift your mood?

Here’s one quickie way to celebrate the day. Use your heart-shaped or star-shaped cookie cutters to cut out your bread before making toast—-then park the hearts and stars on a plate, slathered in love, butter, and jam—-soo-prise, soo-prise—everyone will leave the house smiling. Party Hearty.

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Love The One You’re With….What Your Nose Knows..and Loves

Peggy — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 09:00:39 +0000

DAY ONE. Welcome to the first day in a series, during this month of LOVE, to explore and access the loves in your life. Grab a pen and paper to make your own Love Notes and keep them safe—because you will want them on those days when love seems to be hiding out—you will know where to go—to find it again.

Love The One You’re With—-What Do You Love To Smell?

The five senses and love are inextricably tied to one another. As a matter of fact, volumes of research have proven that the olfactory nerve, also known, quite scientifically, as our “sniffer” is the most powerful of all our senses.

From the get-go, our sense of smell, even at birth, bonds us most deeply with our mothers and fathers. Our ability to smell creates a direct pathway into the brain, bypassing all rational receptors, and heads straight for our limbic systems where every emotional moment in our lives is stored. We are literally, tuned in and turned on by our sense of smell. A certain smell can take us to our grandmother’s front porch where we churned the homemade ice cream for the fresh peach pie she was baking. Or, the smell of incense can remind us of the day of our communion when we were at the altar of the church, so nervous, we had rotten socks in our stomachs and our hands were sweating. We can recall every detail of those moments from just a whiff of something similar—-20, 30, 40 years later.

Perfumers count on us to spend billions of dollars each year to anchor our lives in the smells we love on our own skin and on the ones we are attracted to. No question, if the movies or TV could create “Smell-O-Vision”, they would have figured out a way all ready.

So, we can let love into our lives in an instant by creating some of the same smells that take us to places within ourselves that bring up love and safety and joy. I’ll share a few of my own examples to help you get the ball rolling:

1. I love the smell of roses. That smell parks me in a time when I was six, or so, somewhere between kindergarten and first grade. There was a rose garden in our neighborhood, lovingly tended by a lady whose name I don’t even remember. What I do vividly remember is walking to and from school, where I took extra time to stick my nose in every rose, smelling each one as far as my lungs would take me. As I write this, a reflexive smile revists that memory with me. Those rose garden moments anchored other indelible life budding lessons as well.

Seeing my neighbor, doing her daily “clucking”, consistently creating a concert with nature, as she turned the dirt and pruned and watered her “children”, each bush with its own name, she made evident, the stunning results of discipline and devotion. As she explained what she was doing, love was blooming in her words and in the smile on her face. Even at that young age, I remember thinking about how neat it would be when I “was old someday” to be sure to have something I loved to do as much as she did. The fascination of nature at work, held me in its grip as I focused on a particular bud on Monday morning—-then I watched that same bud every day, as it slowly and seemlessly unfolded into another intricate masterpiece, a full blown rose….waitng there to pleasure a curious, carefree kid.

SEEK THE SMELL and all will be well.

Now, I buy roses, usually at the grocery store. For some reason, they don’t have that heavenly smell any more. I think the breeders are going for quantity—and in a funny irony—the florist told me that many commercial roses have been bred not to have thorns—when the thorns went away, so did the smell. But, that’s another discussion for another day. The point is, I still search out that smell. And, I have found it in certain candles and lotions and perfumes using just the right amount of essential oil, taking me back to the garden I loved so much.

Hint: If you are lover of the smell of roses—- Try any Jo Malone products—the perfect rose smell. Fabulous candles. And for body products, lotions, and creams a new line called Nourishing Rose, RENEW, by Aromatherapy Associates is wonderful, too.

2. Clothes, just out of the dryer. That’s an easy one to duplicate. To me, it smells like freshness and order, innocence and safety. No big stories to attach that feeling to—just a gut reaction to laundry! Sometimes, I grab the entire load of warm things, still balled into tangled wads right out of the dryer and just throw the whole kit and caboodle on the bed—-then I dive, face first, right into the pile. Warm and soft. My nose is leaping for joy—if it could clap—this one would be a standing ovation moment.

3. The smell of Snickerdoodles, baking in the oven, when I walk in the door. For me, there is nothing like the transition from the world “out there” to the “Welcome Home” of coming through the door to the smell of soup cooking on the stove or cookies, baking in the oven. Creating that scenario, if you live alone, or if you are usually the one in the kitchen, cooking the food, can be tricky. It’s not often that your nose gets that loving jolt of contrast. But, my oven has one of those pre-set timers on it—so I can put the dough in the oven—and set it to turn on an hour later. If the cookies take 10 minutes to bake, then I can go for an hour walk and head toward home just in time to enter the house, now overpowered with the aroma of vanilla, butter and cinnamon–while rescuing the cookies for later. My walk is filled with the anticipation of my own “Welcome Home” knowing that, in mere minutes, I will be enveloped with a snoot-full of love.

What smells like ‘love’ to you?

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A Christmas Commentary

Peggy — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 09:00:24 +0000

This photo says it all……in answer to the question……Can there be just a bit too much “Christmas”?

Kissing Leads to…….More Kissing

Peggy — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 20:53:29 +0000

With the holidays, there’s a whole lot of kissing going on. There are all those air-kissing parties, passionate embraces of long-parted lovers descending into one another’s arms—from flights around the world, families reuniting in hugs and kisses, and all that mistletoe to make use of. It’s just the season of the SMOOCH. So, with that in mind, how about some enlightenment about the whole subject and science of kissing?

First: A definition. A kiss is the autonomic juxtaposition of two articular muscles in the state of contraction.

Pretty sexy, huh?

That, no kidding, is the scientific definition of a kiss. Thank Mrs. Maude Hildreth for this, please. She was my eighth grade biology teacher who tested me on this stunning bit of nearly useless information—which has remained forever imbedded in my mental file, labeled, “Your-gonna-be-glad-you-know-this-someday!” Now, that I can pass this on to you……yes, I am…..so glad about it.

Another reason I remember this so clearly, after all these years, is that Maude’s prickly, vociferous demeanor was such you could never imagine her puckering up, for anyone or anything. Not even a puppy. During this phase of biology, we were supposed to be learning the scientific definitions of all kinds of common bodily functions—like chewing, for example. But, the definition of chewing, has escaped me altogether, because I could imagine Maude chewing….everything. Sometimes she would show up in class, with little strings and chards of lunch still hanging from the gaps in her teeth. This whole kissing thing made quite the impression on me….and not for the obvious 14 year old, hormonal reason. From this Maude-ness, I learned the value of juxtapostion—-when two unlikely things get paired together in some kind of stunning contrast……it becomes more memorable. Thank you Maude for all these life lessons in science and contrast. Who knew? But……now, back to the smooching stats.

Did you know that you will spend approximately 2 weeks of your life…..kissing? Americans lock lips for an average of 336 hours—-or more than 20,000 minutes over a lifetime.

Kissing helps you look and feel younger. Kissing can slow the aging process because of the pleasure chemicals released within the brain and it tones facial muscles. You can also burn up to six calories a minute. Wonder what would happen if you could kiss the person next to you on the treadmill?

Americans coined the term French kissing in 1923. The French did not have to call it anything—they all ready knew what they were doing.

But, here’s the most important thing to remember, now and forever about kissing. No matter the age, the desire for closeness and intimacy never dissipates—a kiss is always something special between two people. A kiss, even a peck on the check, creates moment of magic between two people. It is something we always remember. Hugs, we forget. But….I bet you remember everything about the the first time you kissed your husband or wife or significant other—-or, try this one—-the very first kiss you ever had with anyone. Don’t you remember where you were, what was happening around you, what music was playing……..can’t you take yourself back there in a heartbeat? See what I mean? Remembering our kisses, even for a moment is like a laser, right to the heart. And, that’s a good thing.

Pucker up this holiday. Exercise those articular muscles.

THE ITTY-BITTY-SHITTY-COMMITTEE…Do You Host Regular Meetings?

Peggy — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 09:00:55 +0000

One of the best things about using the internet is the ability to tell it like it is, expletives and all.

I first heard about “The Itty-Bitty-Shitty-Committee” from my friend, Corinne—-she nailed it with a name—for all that insidious and perpetual, massively self-critical head clatter. By naming this cacaphony, I think we have hit on a method to begin dismantling the constant cripplers to our collective psyche. Giving these gnarly parts of ourselves an appropriate label accomplishes two things—-

1. It give us a way to talk about it—-to nail it with truth AND humor. And, it give us a point of reference, drawing others in, who also have regular “committee meetings” as well. Somehow, it helps to realize that we are not alone in this process. Many of us host regular meetings of the IBSC.

2. Once we’ve become aware enough to give it an ID, we can begin—-to STOP IT! We can tag it and wag our finger at it—as the “Comittee” jumps up to push us down.

The inner ”Committee of Critics” that keeps us from embracing our miraculous selves, that relentless tape which can turn on without warning, causing us un-ease and disease, is something we can close the door on. When the IBSC starts, we can say, “Meeting Adjourned!”.

What would it be like to have what’s going for us—–going for us?

LIKE….WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE?

Peggy — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:35:21 +0000

Like, I don’t know. Does it, like, bother you when you hear someone saying “like” all the time??

Supposedly, according to a recent poll, reported on ABC news last week…..the word…..”Whatever” was found to be the most annoying word to the majority of people in our culture.

Like, who knew? As you can, like, see, this may not be, like, the most annoying word, like, to me. The word “like” is like, fingernails down the, like, blackboard. I, like, hear it all the time. Out of the mouths of some of our most, like, well-educated, up and coming, young professionals. Injected, like, in the simplest of, like, sentences. Like, whatever.

Maybe, just because it is so annoying to me, it seems to land on my ears like some kind of perverse velcro. I seem to, like, have radar for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for liking as much as possible in this life. With so much to potentially dis-like, it could make one quite the grump. So, focusing on “liking”, in general, is a good thing…until it becomes inserted every third word in every, like, sentence.

Like, let’s sail down memory lane for just a second and look at where this use of “like” came from. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think it was originally used to make fun of the gum-snapping, wack-a-doodle Valley Girl friends of Beevus and, like, Butthead—-as a prelude to DUMB and DUMBER. It was meant to make fun of these goofy, overly made up, spikey haired, girls who were considered a total joke. They were spoofed, right along with those “wild and crazy” guys on Saturday Night Live, back in it’s hey day. Let’s just, like, tell the truth—like, it has never made anyone sound smarter……like, does it?

It reminds me of an interview done with Will Smith on The Actor’s Studio. His amazingly successful career has spanned being a super-selling rap artist, then sit-com television star……and on to the top box office draw, he remains today. When asked the secret of his success, he revealed a decision he made early on. He said, “I decided to stop sounding like an idiot.” His words, not mine. As a matter of fact, he went on to talk about the workshops he created to convince kids to “talk smart, if you are.” “Drop the rap. Develop the quality of both, your voice and your words, if you want to be noticed in a positive way.” Like, what a good idea.

So, if, like you are a “liker” or if, like, you know someone who is—–ask them to replace “like” with the other word, which seems to fit in it’s place—–”UM”. Would it, um, allow you to see how, um, distracting it is? Could you, um, maybe see how it would give, um, the impression that you are,um, one of the more, um, slow thinking people on the, um, planet?

‘Nuff Said.

DOES THE WORD ‘BLOG’ STICK IN YOUR THROAT?

Peggy — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 20:00:10 +0000

Every time I say the word “blog”, I feel like I need a lozenge. Saying it, just happens, way back there, in my throat. Or, bellowed with gusto, it sounds like a far-away ship’s horn, finding it’s way through the fog. BLOOOOG.

Most days, I would like to use my computer for target practice. As I muddle my way through technology, with my VAIO, making those semi-musical, sorta perky, “clunk” noises—-letting me know that, once again, I have goofed—-it annoys me, no end, that I have to actually AGREE with it, before I can move on to the next thing. I have to hit “OK” (even when I don’t have one “OK” vein in my body) or it won’t let me escape my obvious inadequacies to go to the next window, with the promise of a fresh start.

The other day at lunch, three out of four of us were on our cell phones or checking text messages between bites. Part of our discussion, in addition to the spread of spider veins, and our shrinking 401K’s, was on whether or not we had BLUE TOOTH or GPS’s, aiding our march through life.

The other night, my husband and I were having dinner with a friend, who was visiting from out of town. Her cell phone became the centerpiece of our conversation—showing us clips of her favorite YOU TUBE videos. Then, when our entres were served, she used her phone to take pictures of the presentation of the food. You see—she loves to cook and entertain, so they would make great “go-by’s” for her next dinner party. Actually, that was a great idea—-and the YOU TUBE videos were hysterical. So, we asked her to forward them to our individual emails so we could send them to friends later. Ahhhhhh, the warm glow one gets from sharing.

As a former advertising exec, I often wonder what the facial expressions must have been like in the conference room, the day “BLUE TOOTH” was pitched to the client. Surely, these creative genius’s must have spent a bad morning at the dentist, soothed only by some really good, happy gas. Or maybe they eased the pain with a big, blue bullet of a popsicle. If that were the case, I guess we would have had BLUE TONGUE TECHNOLOGY—–but, I think a rock group may have all ready reserved that domain. I even bet “TOOTH” was actually a second choice.

So, as I TWITTER and TWEET and send messages WALL-to-WALL on FACEBOOK and find myself LINKED-IN, I realize these things, although I don’t fully understand their value just yet, are becoming my new way of life. Not that long ago, something that went “viral” was a major flapdoodle being invested by the Center for Disease Control. Now, the prospect of “going viral” is simply thrilling.

Slightly less thrilling is the prospect of using SKYPE. Unless you are really well-dressed and have a great looking library or a view of the mountains, as your backdrop— the tacky mess, called your office can send the wrong message entirely. Surely, someone is in the procees of creating “Skype Sets” to correct that problem.

Even though, each day, I am becoming less and less of a techno-virgin, I still reserve the right to cling to my hand-held can opener for support.

What’s true for you?

How Much Do You Tube? To TV or Not to TV?

Peggy — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 09:00:17 +0000

A friend of mine threw out her TV about two years ago. Just like that. She and her husband said, “Enough”.

She is just as informed as the rest of us and a whole lot more calm than most of us. She has turned her attention to reading: the classics, novels, new thought, economics, biographies of great people, the Bible. She has seen the quality of her relationships improve because she devotes more time to making phone calls, and writing personal notes and paying attention.

Her life has taken on a new measure of quality because she is not distracted with Robin, Diane, Merediith, Matt and Al, in the morning. She takes that early morning time to go for walks and quietly organize her day…….after writing in her journal. Her day now starts with clarity of purpose rather than with anxiety about the world. That’s when she reads recipes and plans welcoming dinners for her family. She takes the time to randomly write the names of friends on a calendar to remind herself to send them a note that day…..real, in-her-own-handwriting, personal notes—just to say hello. Amazing.

After our house burned down last year, I ended up on her “cluck” calendar more often. She called me once a week for months to “shore” me up and “check in”—-her voice, calm and steady—-her heart and mind, fully present. Even though she lives more than a 1,000 miles away—she was there…..with me. No TV on, in the background of her life.

I wish I could be like her. I have my “junkie” moments. I really, really like Dancing With the Stars and American Idol and Project Runway and The Food Network and Home & Garden Television. I was glued to every segment of America’s Got Talent. CBS THIS MORNING, on Sundays, is always full of fascinating feature stories, dealing with arts and culture and goofy tidbits about the human condition. I love that show, too. I guess the common themes are either “underdog becomes TOP dog” or they teach me something. There is something very helpful and hopeful that just rings my bell.

Don’t do Soap Operas. Or Dr. Phil. Never seen a single episode of 24 or Desperate Housewives or Star Trek. But I have been known to keep the TV on, on a quiet day, for the “people noises” to keep me company. If there was a waiter in our house, each evening, he would ask, “Will you be having TV with your entree?” The answer would usually be “yes”.

The other day, I called my friend to make sure the ban on television was still holding tight—-yes, even more so. She made another good point. People often complain that they don’t have enough time to get things done…..but the average American spends 4 hours per day/evening in front of the tube, 6 days each week. Counting on your fingers and toes—that would be 24 hours, an entire EXTRA day, each week to find the time to get the things done we can’t seem to find the time for. She rested her case. Does anyone have some extra halo polish?

In seeing the transformation of my friend, I wonder…..What about, the majority of TV that lights up our living room, enhances my life or will become anything memorable, later? Will I become like my aunt, who, for years—-talked to me about Travis and Lisa, often hissing and spitting about what “trailer trash” they were. I thought they were the neighbors she was sort of spying on—until the day she sat down and turned them on Channel 5. So much of the time, TV just taints my view of the world. And, I don’t know about you, but most of the “news”, I would be happy…..to lose.

What about you? Do you think you tube, too much? What COULD you get done if you turned it off just one night a week?

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DIALING FOR DIETS

Peggy — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:58:41 +0000

IF YOU HAVE FORMED THE HABIT OF CHECKING ON EVERY NEW DIET THAT COMES ALONG, YOU WILL SOON FIND THAT THEY ALL BEGIN TO BLUR TOGETHER, LEAVING YOU WITH ONLY ONE DEFINITIVE PIECE OF INFORMATION: french-fried potatoes are out.

Jean Kerr, writer, lyricist