The twisted madness that would lead people to carry out such unabashed cruelty—man against man—also turned the dial on an equally deep well of compassion, generosity and kindness….for a while.  Do you remember? 

Miracles also occurred…..stories worth re-telling and passing on as reminders of the ... read more »]]> No question.  911 changed all of us.

The twisted madness that would lead people to carry out such unabashed cruelty—man against man—also turned the dial on an equally deep well of compassion, generosity and kindness….for a while.  Do you remember? 

Miracles also occurred…..stories worth re-telling and passing on as reminders of the power of the human heart and spirit….reminders of the every day opportunities we have to heal and to help, not only others…but ourselves as well.

A few years after 911, I was a student at  The New Seminary (the oldest interfaith seminary in North America, based in New York City).   It was run by Rabbi Roger Ross, along with his wife, Deborah Steen-Ross,  an Anglican priest.  Rabbi Roger, as we called him,  had his own life-altering experience while being a part of the New York City Crisis Counseling Team, in the aftermath. What he shared with us, I share with you, now.

Rabbi Roger worked at Ground Zero, in grueling and grotesque, 14 hour shifts for many, many days. One afternoon, as he was moving through the mayhem,  he noticed a lone firefighter, sitting on top of a pile of twisted rubble, crying unabashedly.  As he made his way over to the distraught man, suddenly, he too, felt overwhelmed.   

Wait just a minute—HE, was supposed to be the one, holding it together, right?  Like one more shreiking siren, his own inner critic began to wail in his ear.  At a time when he should have been thinking of someone else, he found himself consumed only with his own feelings of inadequacy….his own inability to find the right words.  Only one word came.  “Run!”

Willing himself to move forward, Rabbi Roger assumed his years of training would kick in once he was face to face with the sobbing and exhausted man. To his horror…… nothing.

So, without a word, he simply plopped down in the rubble right next to the young man whose gaze remained blank and unwavering.  The only thing that passed between them were periodic gulping sobs of stench-filled air. Minutes passed.  Then more. 

Rabbi Roger was not sure how long they sat there, saying absolutely nothing to one another.   He only knew how completely idiotic and impotent he felt at a time when he was supposed to “be there” for this grief-stricken young hero. 

Then, it hit him.

HE was in his own way—– focused, entirely upon HIMSELF and his seeming ineptitude. The eloquent and comforting words he wanted to access, were caught under the rubble of his own sanctimonious, highly critical ego—-in his anger and lack of compassion toward himself.   In that moment his focus shifted––from what was lacking in him—-to the desire to care for, and comfort someone who needed something beyond what words could ever provide. 

Rabbi Roger silently asked God for restoration of this young man’s spirit, that his fractured soul would be freed of lingering fear and bitterness, enabling him to have a new view of life that would be whole and positive, someday. 

Then, he reached for the man’s hand. More quiet time passed. When the young man, seemed ready to release his grip, Rabbi Roger knew it was time to move on, assuming he would never see the young man again. The two parted silently as well.

A few weeks later, when he was attending, yet another, firefighter’s funeral, Rabbi Roger felt a tap on the shoulder.  As he turned, he recognized the now clean face of that same young man.  For just a flash—Rabbi Roger’s inner critic reminded him of what he thought were his failings that day. 

He was about to apologize,  when the young man said, “I still don’t know who you are.  But what you said to me that day, sitting on that giant pile of Hell—–saved my life.  I could not stand to think about the father and brother and friends I had lost.  I wanted to die too. You sat down. You took my hand.  No fanfare.  No flowery words.  You were just there. 

Then you told me ” ‘Keep the Faith’.  ”This is not the end of YOUR life.  Now is your chance to be a man, for yourself, your family, and your community.”  You were exactly right, in the exact moment I was contemplating taking my own life, you told me the truth.

Because of you, I got up. The anger and fear went away. I felt brave and determined.  This WAS my chance–to step up to the challenges, to become an example of courage and loyalty and good will, in the face of all this destruction. I will never forget you. Your words.  They were just what I needed to hear. Thank you”.

Rabbi Roger knew no words had come from him. They were conveyed when he opened his heart and reached for a hand, saying nothing.

Sometimes, when we think we are failing, we are doing anything but.  Sometimes when we bypass our own fear of “doing it right or behaving perfectly”—–a compassionate gesture, guided purely by faith, creates the miracle that means everything.

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But I believe those times also bring out the best in us.  When we are called to action because of ... read more »]]> Between the media focus, shouting about every negative thing regarding our country….along with the times when horrific, negative things do happen, like the recent shooting of the Congresswoman from Arizona—things can seem pretty bleak.

But I believe those times also bring out the best in us.  When we are called to action because of our true love for one another—exemplified by the heroic, unselfish, “gut reactions” of those on the scene of the recent shootings, then even in the midst of the worst, our truest nature shines through.   One of the best things about being an American, no matter what—-is what we, as a people, have always been able to acccomplish in a country that is both boiling pot and melting pot.

This quote from Mark Shields of PBS, says it all:

“This is America—-where a white, Catholic male Republican judge was murdered…while supporting his friend, a Democratic, Jewish female member of Congress.  Her life was saved by a twenty-year old Mexican-American gay college student, and eventually by a Korean-American combat/trauma surgeon, all of whom have been lauded and/or eulogized by our African-American President.”

Way back in yesteryear, when I was a kid, there used to be a show on TV called The Millionaire.  In it, you saw, only the luxuriously clad arm of “an anonymous benefactor”, sitting in his velvet wing ... read more »]]> Ever had dreams of being rich and famous?  I admit it.  I have.

Way back in yesteryear, when I was a kid, there used to be a show on TV called The Millionaire.  In it, you saw, only the luxuriously clad arm of “an anonymous benefactor”, sitting in his velvet wing back chair.  We knew his name was John Beresford Tipton but we never, ever saw his face.  He had so much money that he decided to find deserving people to give it to through his loyal employee, Michael Anthony. Michael Anthony’s job was to find the right people and then make sure they received the money, transforming their lives forever.   I never missed an episode.  In my feet-pajamas, drinking a warm, Bosco-laden milk, I dreamed of one day being rich and famous enough that I could be the female version of Mr. Tipton.

I have had my moments, although on a much smaller scale. 

A few years ago, a friend, who was radically changing his career from rocket scientist to professional photographer was lamenting the fact that he had spent all his money on cameras and a studio to live and work in.  He had run out money for producing the great business cards and brochures that had been designed for him.  So, while he was taking a phone call, I slipped the artwork into my bag.  At the printer, I instructed them to deliver the business cards and brochures to my friend anonymously.  What a thrill. I was living out my fantasy of being an anonymous benefactor!  

One day, he called to tell me about the ” miracle that had happened”.  When he stepped out the door the week before, there were boxes full of his cards and brochures—just sitting there.  He had shared his predicament with a number of people, so he had no idea the source of his good fortune. 

AND, as it turned out, this was the same day he had been invited to an event showcasing up and coming photographers in the area.  He was planning to skip the event, altogether, because he was ashamed that he had nothing to hand out to anyone.  But, lo and behold!  About face.  Not only did he go, but he landed his largest, ongoing corporate contract—enough to pay all his overhead for a year!

For me, that’s always been my primary reason to work so hard and do well—to have those moments when I can just make it happen for someone else, especially at a time when it is needed most.  Success that’s shared is the best success of all.

So,  fast forward to a real star.  One we all know.  One who is using his fame and fortune without a shred of fanfare…….Denzel Washington.  

Recently, while visiting the wounded soldiers, transferred from Germany to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas, he was taken to one of the Fisher Houses on base.  That’s where soldiers’ families can stay for little or no charge  while our young heroes are healing, mostly from catastrophic burns and loss of limbs.The houses stay booked at maximum capacity, with a perpetual wait list. 

After seeing how much both the patients/soldiers and their families benefitted from being together during the long recovery process, Washington asked how much it would cost to build another one.  Upon hearing the amount, he simply wrote a check, right on the spot, for the full amount.

He demonstrated the best reason to be rich and famous.

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And from 911, we also experienced miracles.  In one of those strange ironies, the kindness people showed one another afterward, was demonstrable and palpable—-for a while.  Do you remember? 

Several years after 911, I was a student at  The New Seminary (the oldest interfaith seminary in North ... read more »]]> 911 rocked the world.  No question.

And from 911, we also experienced miracles.  In one of those strange ironies, the kindness people showed one another afterward, was demonstrable and palpable—-for a while.  Do you remember? 

Several years after 911, I was a student at  The New Seminary (the oldest interfaith seminary in North America, based in New York City).  Even though I was raised in Chrisitanity, an integral part of my spiritual calling was to understand more about other religions and the cultures created from them.   It was run by Rabbi Roger Ross, with his wife, Deborah Steen-Ross,  an Anglican priest.  Rabbi Roger, as we called him,  had his own life-altering experience while being a part of the New York City Crisis Counseling Team, in the aftermath. What he shared with us, I share with you, now.

Rabbi Roger worked at Ground Zero, in 14 hour shifts for many, many days. One afternoon, as he was moving through the mayhem,  he noticed a lone firefighter, sitting on top of a pile of twisted rubble, crying.  As he made his way over to the distraught man, he realized that, suddenly, he too, felt overwhelmed.  He knew, if the torrent of tears bubbling in his throat were allowed to the surface, he might never stop. 

Yet, he also felt the inner commandment to be “strong” for this heroic soldier of the city—–”Do your job.”  ”Get a grip on yourself.”  “Say the right thing, for God’s sake.” screeched inside him like one more wailing siren.  Rabbi Roger, apprehensively approached this firefighter who was sitting in the midst of the chaos and debris, staring into space.  He looked to very young….and old, at the same time. 

Still shutterng and shaking, Rabbi Roger knew if  he opened his mouth, he would come competely unhinged.   So, without a word, he simply plopped down in the rubble right next to the young man whose gaze remained blankc and unwavering.  Except for the periodic gut-deep gulping breaths, the young man made no attempt at a single word.  Ditto for the Rabbi.  Minutes passed.  Then more.  Even after regaining his composure, Rabbi Roger remained in mental and verbal gridlock. 

Rabbi Roger was not sure how long they sat there, saying absolutely nothing to one another.   He only knew how horrified, how completely idiotic and impotent he felt at a time when it was supposed to be his calling and his training to “be there” for this grieving young man. 

Then, it hit him.

HE was in his own way—– focused, entirely upon HIMSELF and his seeming ineptitude. The eloquent and comforting words he wanted to access, were caught under the rubble of his own sanctimonious, highly critical, ego—-in his anger toward himself.   Bingo.

The OH-NO of this experience turned into an life transforming AH-HA.   Worrying about the “right words”, or any words at all…..ceased.    He shifted his focus—from what was lacking in him to the desire for care, comfort, and peace that this young man needed so desparately.   He silently asked God for restoration of this young man’s spirit, that his fractured soul would be freed of lingering fear and bitterness, enabling him to have a new view of life that would be whole and positive, someday. 

Then, he reached for the man’s hand. More quiet time passed. When the young man, seemed ready to release his grip, Rabbi Roger knew it was time to move on, assuming he would never see the young man again. The two parted silently as well.

A few weeks later, when he was attending, yet another, firefighter’s funeral, Rabbi Roger felt a tap on the shoulder.  As he turned, he recognized the now clean face of that young man.  For just a flash—Rabbi Roger’s inner critic reminded him of what he thought were his failings that day. 

Just as he was about to apologize,  the young man said, “I still don’t know who you are.  But what you said to me that day, sitting on that giant pile of Hell—–saved my life.  I could not stand to think about the father and brother and friends I had lost.  I wanted to die too. You sat down. You took my hand.  No fanfare.  You were just there.  You told me ” ‘Keep the Faith’.  Now was my chance to be a man, for myself, my family, and my community.  Because of you, I got up. The anger and fear went away. I felt brave and determined.  This WAS my chance–to step up to the challenges, to become an example of courage and loyalty and good will, in the face of all this destruction. I will never forget your words.  They were just what I needed to hear. Thank you”.

Sometimes, when we think we are failing, we are doing anything but.  Sometimes a gentle hand, extended without any agenda other than opening a caring heart in comfort is a miracle in the making.  Sometimes when we bypass our  fear of “doing it right or perfectly”—–a compassionate gesture, guided purely by faith, really means everything. The best of our selves prevails.

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Her inner life informs the world around her.  Most often, we call her “brilliant” but what we mistake for brilliance is actually something called alignment or congruence and that kind ... read more »]]> As an actress, there is almost no equal—her wisdom’s not so bad either. Could this be why we love Meryl Streep?   

Her inner life informs the world around her.  Most often, we call her “brilliant” but what we mistake for brilliance is actually something called alignment or congruence and that kind of clarity of mind, purpose and action is available to all of us.

“Everybody is interesting.  Everybody has something unexpected to offer. The job of life….and acting is to pull it out of each other.”

“Integrate what you truly believe into every single area of your life.  So, take your heart to work with you and ask the most and the best out of yourself and everyone else.”

“I think your self emerges more clearly over time which is one of the grandest benefits of aging”

“You can’t get spoiled if you do your own ironing.”

“We are who we’re going to be when we’re very old, and when we’re very old, we become who we were when we were 8.”

“I want to feel my life while I’m in it.”

What’s true for you?

Where did it go?

I wanted to send you into the new year with a great reminder about the world we live in.  Click on the link below.

When you see that it’s up and running——sit back, close your eyes and drink it in.  The video ... read more »]]> Today’s the day……the last one of the year.

Where did it go?

I wanted to send you into the new year with a great reminder about the world we live in.  Click on the link below.

When you see that it’s up and running——sit back, close your eyes and drink it in.  The video is not the thing—it’s the words and the music……sung by Eva Cassidy, who is truly an angel.  After her death, her following has steadily grown.  You’ll see why.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXhxiC35I9k

If you’re reading this in email and can’t see the video, click here to view online.

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THEY’LL FORGET WHAT YOU SAY

THEY’LL FORGET THOSE GLOWING PARTS, OF YOUR STUNNING RESUME

but they will always, always remember…….

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL……… ON ANY GIVEN DAY

Maya Angelou

But the big gulping noises, runny nose, and torrents of tears gave me away, the minute I sat down. As I sputtered ... read more »]]> Two or three days after our house burned down, I was at my usual manicure appointment with Katy, making a numb effort to get back to something called normal.

But the big gulping noises, runny nose, and torrents of tears gave me away, the minute I sat down. As I sputtered and lurched my way through the story of what had just happened to us, Katy, visibly brightened.

Now, that just shut me right up. She was smiling from ear to ear.

“This saved your life! This is a blessing!” she said, still beaming.

Huh??

Because I have always admired Katy, I was willing to listen…..and I was so stunned by her response……I had no choice.  Katy has lived many chapters in her relatively short life.  She brings so much more to the manicure table than her skill with polish and top coat.  One of nine children, growing up in a horrendous and harrowing Vietnam—she made her way to the United States, and put herself through college by working all night in a factory. She has been instrumental in bringing the rest of her family to the United States, including her elderly parents. She owns her home and raises her two children as a single mom. She is kind and elegant and proud of what she does. Her book is filled with long time clients who adore her as much as I do. She is also a devout Buddhist.

As she explained to me—-When we lose the THINGS we are attached to, only then, do we find OURSELVES.

As a Christian minister myself, I thought I had that concept pretty well incorporated into my life. As much as I love beautiful things—–my first reaction to the phone call from friends who delivered the terrible news—-was the gaping hole of grief I felt for the loss of my time and energy and effort that went into creating our “dream home” over an 18 month period. My life, my brain, and nearly every waking minute had been consumed with getting it all done, in a location more than an hour and a half away, dealing with the workmen and the widgets, getting every picture hung, making certain every bed and towel were fluffy and comfortable.  It was grueling and relentless.

Again, she said, “Your house was taken away because it had begun to take away YOUR LIFE and YOUR ENERGY. Now that your house is gone, you are free. You can now become the person you were meant to be.”

My tears went away that day. In the time it took to polish ten nails.

I wonder how often we get caught up in the fluffing, and the fixing and the thinking that having more and acquiring more and managing more is what we are meant to do. It is part of being successful, isn’t it? More of everything, all the time. Isn’t THAT the American Dream?

Maybe Divine forces are at work—-freeing us from MORE THINGS in order to find MORE OF OURSELVES.

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