Want a super new year?  Practice ... read more »]]> A friend sent me an email recently.  The content was short but her signature line captured my attention.  She told me it came from song lyrics by a rapper named Drake.  I don’t care where the truth comes from—-I just know when it does, it is undeniable.

Want a super new year?  Practice the following:

Live without pretending.

Love without depending.

Listen without defending.

Speak without offending.

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The twisted madness that would lead people to carry out such unabashed cruelty—man against man—also turned the dial on an equally deep well of compassion, generosity and kindness….for a while.  Do you remember? 

Miracles also occurred…..stories worth re-telling and passing on as reminders of the ... read more »]]> No question.  911 changed all of us.

The twisted madness that would lead people to carry out such unabashed cruelty—man against man—also turned the dial on an equally deep well of compassion, generosity and kindness….for a while.  Do you remember? 

Miracles also occurred…..stories worth re-telling and passing on as reminders of the power of the human heart and spirit….reminders of the every day opportunities we have to heal and to help, not only others…but ourselves as well.

A few years after 911, I was a student at  The New Seminary (the oldest interfaith seminary in North America, based in New York City).   It was run by Rabbi Roger Ross, along with his wife, Deborah Steen-Ross,  an Anglican priest.  Rabbi Roger, as we called him,  had his own life-altering experience while being a part of the New York City Crisis Counseling Team, in the aftermath. What he shared with us, I share with you, now.

Rabbi Roger worked at Ground Zero, in grueling and grotesque, 14 hour shifts for many, many days. One afternoon, as he was moving through the mayhem,  he noticed a lone firefighter, sitting on top of a pile of twisted rubble, crying unabashedly.  As he made his way over to the distraught man, suddenly, he too, felt overwhelmed.   

Wait just a minute—HE, was supposed to be the one, holding it together, right?  Like one more shreiking siren, his own inner critic began to wail in his ear.  At a time when he should have been thinking of someone else, he found himself consumed only with his own feelings of inadequacy….his own inability to find the right words.  Only one word came.  “Run!”

Willing himself to move forward, Rabbi Roger assumed his years of training would kick in once he was face to face with the sobbing and exhausted man. To his horror…… nothing.

So, without a word, he simply plopped down in the rubble right next to the young man whose gaze remained blank and unwavering.  The only thing that passed between them were periodic gulping sobs of stench-filled air. Minutes passed.  Then more. 

Rabbi Roger was not sure how long they sat there, saying absolutely nothing to one another.   He only knew how completely idiotic and impotent he felt at a time when he was supposed to “be there” for this grief-stricken young hero. 

Then, it hit him.

HE was in his own way—– focused, entirely upon HIMSELF and his seeming ineptitude. The eloquent and comforting words he wanted to access, were caught under the rubble of his own sanctimonious, highly critical ego—-in his anger and lack of compassion toward himself.   In that moment his focus shifted––from what was lacking in him—-to the desire to care for, and comfort someone who needed something beyond what words could ever provide. 

Rabbi Roger silently asked God for restoration of this young man’s spirit, that his fractured soul would be freed of lingering fear and bitterness, enabling him to have a new view of life that would be whole and positive, someday. 

Then, he reached for the man’s hand. More quiet time passed. When the young man, seemed ready to release his grip, Rabbi Roger knew it was time to move on, assuming he would never see the young man again. The two parted silently as well.

A few weeks later, when he was attending, yet another, firefighter’s funeral, Rabbi Roger felt a tap on the shoulder.  As he turned, he recognized the now clean face of that same young man.  For just a flash—Rabbi Roger’s inner critic reminded him of what he thought were his failings that day. 

He was about to apologize,  when the young man said, “I still don’t know who you are.  But what you said to me that day, sitting on that giant pile of Hell—–saved my life.  I could not stand to think about the father and brother and friends I had lost.  I wanted to die too. You sat down. You took my hand.  No fanfare.  No flowery words.  You were just there. 

Then you told me ” ‘Keep the Faith’.  ”This is not the end of YOUR life.  Now is your chance to be a man, for yourself, your family, and your community.”  You were exactly right, in the exact moment I was contemplating taking my own life, you told me the truth.

Because of you, I got up. The anger and fear went away. I felt brave and determined.  This WAS my chance–to step up to the challenges, to become an example of courage and loyalty and good will, in the face of all this destruction. I will never forget you. Your words.  They were just what I needed to hear. Thank you”.

Rabbi Roger knew no words had come from him. They were conveyed when he opened his heart and reached for a hand, saying nothing.

Sometimes, when we think we are failing, we are doing anything but.  Sometimes when we bypass our own fear of “doing it right or behaving perfectly”—–a compassionate gesture, guided purely by faith, creates the miracle that means everything.

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Others say, “Hell’s bells, with all that’s going on in the world, it’s time to do something radical….to get out of this stuck feeling.”

I say it’s time to know exactly what you really want.  In your heart ... read more »]]> Some people I have talked with lately, say it’s time to hunker down……sit tight.

Others say, “Hell’s bells, with all that’s going on in the world, it’s time to do something radical….to get out of this stuck feeling.”

I say it’s time to know exactly what you really want.  In your heart of hearts.

Time to go inside and sort things out.  Once and for all.

Huge storms, unexpected earthquakes, wars around the world and money in a state of flux…….they are all wake-up calls.  They let us know that we are not in control of anything, really…..except of our own thoughts and actions.  They let us know that “time’s a-wastin” if we are living less than our deepest truth and our highest potential.  Seen in the most positive light, they are hugely encouraging and urgent reminders to take stock, then take action.

If today was your last—would you leave here, satisfied….content….at peace….purposeful.  Or, would you feel sadness for the life you have not gotten around to living?

What are you waiting for?

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If something you are doing, just isn’t working….if you are starting those knot-in-your-stomach,  ”what-the-hell-was-I-thinking?” questions at 3:00am—-what ... read more »]]> There are times when the path we are on, building a dream, seems to be chocked full of potholes.  Three steps forward.  Clunk. Crash.  Two steps sideways. Bam.  Surge forward again.  Then, boom. Uh oh. More setbacks.

If something you are doing, just isn’t working….if you are starting those knot-in-your-stomach,  ”what-the-hell-was-I-thinking?” questions at 3:00am—-what to do?

The answer is—-STOP.  Do as much of nothing as possible—for at least 24 hours.  As a matter of fact, here is a new path to follow:

1.  Be still.  Sleep in.  Play hooky at an afternoon movie.  Pull the plug on even thinking about your project, at all.

2. Remind yourself that you are not crazy, lazy or stupid.  Everything that’s happened or not, is there to inform your final outcome.  You may simply be in need a course correction.  And, look at it this way—whatever has happened so far, enables you to check one more thing off your TO DO list. No need to visit any of it again.

2.  Then, do something that you know you will enjoy, something easy, something that has a definite beginning and ending.  Something where you can have an idea, make it tangible, share it with others and enjoy it, from start to finish. 

I have found this to be the best way to counteract those impotent feelings that come from seemingly endless efforting without the results we want.  Climb out of that pit of self-doubt and hyper-criticism when those “See-I-told-you- I-was-a-failure” stories start to find their way into your internal dialogue.

When I find myself in that place (By the way,  all people who ever accomplish anything will find themselves there at one time or another)—-I cook.  Some people get out into the garden—making it more beautiful, just by pulling weeds or planting flowers.  Others, clean out a closet that needs it, turning chaos into order and serenity.  It’s all about taking charge, and through your efforts and creativity, something tangible and more beautiful takes place.  It’s important that it get shared and acknowledged by someone who counts in your life, too.

So, I start by finding a recipe.  Just thumbing through lots of colorful cookbooks gives my need for visual stimulation a lift.   Then, I  head off to the store, taking in the view and the smells and the colors and the textures of all the bounty in the produce section. It may sound totally ridiculous, but I just stand there, right in the middle of the eight different kinds of apples and revel in the abundance surrounding me. No way not to give thanks for all that we have to choose from.  I start to feel very grateful and lucky. 

Once home, I turn on my favorite music.  I am reminded of a house full of high-energy friends enjoying themselves or a high school party where that  dress I wore made me feel like a princess.  The gnarled gears of frustration begin to shift.

Let the cooking begin!  Transforming  pods of this and stalks of that into something even more beautiful and delicious, not only warms my heart but gives me a certain sense of power and control over my own destiny. No need to leap any tall buildings when I am chopping and simmering on the way to a platter full of pleasure.  Even if its for one meal—it is confirmation that I can initiate, create and complete something with seamless success.  “Loser” has left the building.

This whole process also accesses another love of mine—anticipating the moment when my husband walks in the house, with his nose to lead him into the kitchen, exclaiming, “WOW!  What’s for dinner?”  Love and garlic, fill the air. 

So, that’s my story for shifting into out of the pot holes and into HAPPY. 

What I have learned is this. When the frustration is up to here—–it’s time to return to my simplest, deepest truth.  Step back from the efforting and see if it’s really in alignment with my heart or swirling in my ego.  Am I doing this, whatever it is, to impress or to express?

The sign on the side of the Yellow Brick Road—-YIELD.

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This is not, however, about the size of our own personal flotation device, forever attached to the backside of our stomach.  And, this is not about a ... read more »]]> How many times have we asked that question?  If you are a guy, probably never.  If you are a girl, we’ve probably lost count.

This is not, however, about the size of our own personal flotation device, forever attached to the backside of our stomach.  And, this is not about a typo in the title either.

It’s all about attitude and beliefs—that really, really big  BUT we may be throwing  in our own way.  Right now, today, is there something you want so much you could taste it?

BUT…..

You are afraid?

If so, we are in this together.  I have a list.  Not a someday, bucket list…..a right now, get it done list.  And, here’s what I know for sure.  Only my great big BUT gets in the way.

Funny thing about fear. One kind keeps us out of harm’s way just at the moment we need it to kick in.  The other creates insidious, perpetual  gridlock.  We live, motor idling, at the intersection of our lives, seeing red lights on all four corners.   

It can become a habit to make our BUT bigger than our heads and our hearts put together.  Whenever we get a YES, to something or someone, there’s a BUT velcroed to the rest of it.

A friend told me what to do at these times.  It works.  So, let me share it with you.

Ask yourself this question:

BUT,  how will I feel if I don’t _________________?

Then, fill in the blank with that thing you want.

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Take Suze Orman.  I am certain she knows her stuff about finances. But does knowledge give her the right to be so condescending?  The minute I see her on TV, shaking her finger in our collective faces, I become an expert in the use of my remote control. ... read more »]]> Experts drive me nuts.

Take Suze Orman.  I am certain she knows her stuff about finances. But does knowledge give her the right to be so condescending?  The minute I see her on TV, shaking her finger in our collective faces, I become an expert in the use of my remote control. She is really just an expert at being grating and annoying.

Then, there was Dr. Laura, the expert syndicated radio psychologist and author.   I say WAS because after viciously talking  down to a caller recently, she actually outed herself as being an expert on two things—being mean-spirited and knowing precisely, what not to say.

Experts are everywhere, it seems.  They tell us what to do. What to say. What to wear.  What to buy.  How to act.  We are to revere them, buy their books, take their workshops and hang on their every word.  Supposedly, they know more than we do, about most everything.  After all, we are only us and they are…. THEM.

Instead of experts, what I think we really need most are role models—-the people who just seem to go about their lives in a way that appeals to us.  They are doing something or being a certain way that we would like to emulate.  They are naturally attracting our attention to pay attention, not promoting their position as being better or bigger than we are.  We are experts at knowing the difference.

Anonymous

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Summer is the time to take off from the routine of every day.  Or, at least that’s the picket fence version of life.  It’s the time of long, lazy days where the book you’ve been reading falls off your chest ... read more »]]> Even the clearest water seems opaque at great depth.  Joel Agee

Summer is the time to take off from the routine of every day.  Or, at least that’s the picket fence version of life.  It’s the time of long, lazy days where the book you’ve been reading falls off your chest and doesn’t even wake you up when it hits the floor.

Little boys get their summer buzz cut.  Lightening bugs are shown no mercy as they get collected in mason jars, with holes in the lids….so, o.k., a little mercy.  We eat watermelon and spit the seeds at targets nailed to trees.  In the south, we fan….and make ice cream….a lot.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of a cool, head-to-toe shower, after a day of play in the sun, followed by meeting up with friends and family on the porch, re-dressed in fresh, crispy clothes—for the single minded ritual of rocking away the rest of the day….as the gigantic Dreamsicle ball of sun melts into the earth just one more time.  Heaven.

Kicking back also is a great time to dive in.  Sometimes that extended inner quiet unearths the storm in your heart.  Moments beneath the surface of your soul can excavate treasures buried under the stress of carpool, rfp’s, ailing parents, and making all your ends meet. 

Sound good?  Well, let me offer a treasure or two I have discovered in the process of my own nose dive into the navel—- wonderful books that could ease you into deeper waters if you would like to snorkel your way into more of you… this summer.

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have    by Mark Nepo

As the title suggests, these are thoughts on being plugged in to your own life, written so that you can open to the exact day on the calendar or let it fall open to any page—-and see the miracle of how often the subject matter seems to fit something happening to you at that very moment.

THE ART of RESILIENCE:  100 Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World     by Carol Orsborn

Carol offers ways to feel connected to the flow of life—even when it can seem to be interrupted on a regular basis.  Again, as she outlines the 10 stages of resilience—you can take them in random order, letting your mind float—and not miss a thing. 

“This is life’s promise to you. not that you will always get what you think you want.  But that you can become great enough to embrace it all.”  Carol Orsborn

So…..this summer, take the plunge.

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