Screams of Consciousness » GREAT RELATIONSHIPS

Party Hearty

Peggy — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:09:09 +0000

I love parties. Everything about them. The planning, the decorating,selecting the music, the menu-making, the invitation—-which is the first phase of setting the stage. I really get into it.

One year, I had a brunch. For the invitation, I used those bacon boxes with the front flap that let’s you peek at the strips inside the package. I never really understood what I was supposed to be looking for when I raised that flap but it occurred to me that these boxes would make a great and goofy invitation.

I removed the bacon and inserted the invitation, superimposed over a photographed background of fried eggs. Then, these boxes were hand delivered to all the guests. It’s hard to ignore a box of bacon in your mailbox or sitting on your desk when you get back from lunch. Everyone came—walking through the door, laughing. Even though,as a result of this invitation “brainstorm”, it took almost three years to consume(don’t panic—bacon freezes forever)—it was totally worth it. Every time, I look at a strip of bacon to this day—-it makes me smile, in spite of the grease, calories and cholesterol.

A great party has a way of sticking with you, doesn’t it?

A friend, who has attended most of my parties over the years, told me that he thought of me as being in the “transportation business”. From the time people get the invite—-they become transported from wherever they are to a much happier place.

For me, it’s one of the best ways to switch my own gears as well. I have been feeling a bit blue lately—but I knew my book club was on its way to my house for an evening of girl talk and catching up—-and, oh yes, discussing our literary adventures.

Creating and setting the table, three days in advance, definitely enabled me to pick my lip up off the floor. I “fluffed” it up for Easter which was just around the corner—all the colors ushering in spring, bunny ears for everyone, fresh flowers floating in a little pool in the middle of the table, poofy napkins, pink candles….the whole bit. Every time I walked past the table, it made me smile—-friends, food, laughter and fun…..on the way. The anticipation, alone, shifted everything.

Want to shift your mood?

Here’s one quickie way to celebrate the day. Use your heart-shaped or star-shaped cookie cutters to cut out your bread before making toast—-then park the hearts and stars on a plate, slathered in love, butter, and jam—-soo-prise, soo-prise—everyone will leave the house smiling. Party Hearty.

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Is Self-love, Self-ish?

Peggy — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:10:09 +0000

No.

That’s the short but definitive answer.

Sometimes we get that confused.

”Put the oxygen mask over our own noses first”—every time we fly, we are reminded. I have never known anyone to argue with THAT concept of taking care of yourself first, so you can be clear headed enough to then focus on and assist the ones you love, next—–but that same theory applied to the rest of our lives—must mean we are selfish, right?

I am not sure when we got this into our heads, but, as a female, it seems to be ingrained in our DNA and remains an ongoing internal battle. Could it be that a lot of the times we find ourselves depressed or depleted or just plain angry is that we have this whole idea…..in reverse order?

For one thing, not loving and caring for ourselves first, is the fastest path to one of the biggest and most insidious, self-destructive traps we can fall into—-also, seemingly unique to women. Martrydom. I know you know what I’m talking about. So, when’s the last time you loved being around a martyr? All that self-less-ness, all that bending and scraping and flogging in the name of family or friendship—all that heavy sighing, while reporting the latest selfless act—-which, of course, went unnoticed, and totally unappreciated. Martyrs often play see-saw with victims.

Instead of connecting with others, all this attempt at “love” just drives the ones we claim to love most, away. And, isn’t that what “Everyone-but-me- first” is ultimately all about? Hoping for appreciation? Hoping that others in your life will see how much you love them? But, what if, by taking vigilant care of yourself and you own well being, you could embody love? What if your love of your own life showed everyone else the way?

By the way, I am not talking about self-absorbed, consume-all-the-air-in-the-room, narcisistic love. (we’ll deal with narcisism in future posts) I am also not leaving God out of the equation. I have never been one who needs to be politically correct about my love of God……first, first. It is a given….like air. I believe that God has a plan for my life—-and I am honoring God by carrying it out. Taking care of myself in a way that sets this Divine Plan into motion is the essence of what I am talking about.

So, here’s the deal—I grapple with this whole notion of self-love being selfish too. Intellectually and spiritually, I know what’s right for me—-but emotionally, I deal, every day with this feeling. We all have to decide what this balance is—what works for us. For me, talking about it and bringing it to light—-creating a discussion around it—makes me feel less alone and conflicted. One of the main reasons for writing SCREAMS of CONSCIOUSNESS is to ensure that you won’t feel alone either. We are all grappling with something.

So, here’s a take-away for today…..if you read no further…this is it. I am getting my arms around the idea of………

Learning that loving ME, first….does not make YOU, last. It allows me to create the envelope for all that I hold dear.

Also, I have found four things to be consistently true while trying to LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH…….

1. Self-love identifies and honors your needs and energizes you for all the other aspects and responsibiities in life.

2. Self-love assumes abundance—-it perpetuates abiding faith and authentic confidence—that 99% of the time, there will always be enough of you to go around. (And during those 1% times, you will love yourself enough to ask for the right kind of support.)

3. Self-love demonstrates a deep commitment to personal responsibility, consistency and self-reliance. Self-love and self-discipline are velcroed together.

4. Self-love creates balance and boundaries.

So, does this sound too good to be true?

For many of us, it is. It’s overwhelming to think of being that self-reliant, self-aware, self-directed, motivated and consistent. Because it’s hard. So hard. To be all that we can be….all the time. To be our best. To use our gifts in a way that honors all that we have been given. To have compassion for our own foibles and humanity. To be vigilant about what does and does not work for our greatest good and to be courageous in the times when our values are being threatened.

The point is—-if we can’t see it and be it—then we have not developed enough of it to give to anyone else. It leaves us depleted, depressed and sad and waiting for someone or something to pick up the slack, to be our next “magic bullet”, hoping someone or something will come along to pull our wagon, too.

LOVE…starts with me……first.

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Love The One You’re With….That Means You!

Peggy — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 20:43:29 +0000

When we think of February, we always think of love and he-ing and she-ing….and maybe a President or two, too. But, mostly, its romance and valentines and sweetheart dances and, chocolate, of course. Then, there’s flowers, mushy cards, maybe even some jewelry and…. more chocolate.

We can’t help sailing back through an ocean of memories, thinking about “those times in our lives” with romantic partners, who knows how many…from that first kiss to moments of passion, no matter how fleeting but certainly never, ever forgotten. Then, we land on the runway of today—the love we have in our lives, particularly in our relationships—how well they are working…or not.

MORE LOVE IN YOUR LIFE…..RIGHT NOW….All The Time

So what would it be like to think of the LOVES in our lives in general? Of all the things in our own lives we love—-that can slip out of our consciousness on a day to day basis. Since YOU are the only one with YOU, 24/7—-what if you could spend some time revisiting and refocusing on the loves in your very own life right now?

REKINDLE THE LOVE IN YOUR VERY OWN LIFE

Yes, I know I am screaming at you with these headlines—but I am yelling just as loudly at myself. Because sometimes I forget—how much and how many things I love. And, how they are right here, all around me. All the tiime. And, with almost no effort at all, I can fill my very own life with love and not depend upon, or expect someone else to provide it for me.

MAKE YOUR OWN PERSONAL ‘LOVES LIST’

So, for this month of love, get ready. Every other day, in February, you will receive a question to help you focus on the things that bring you joy, that you feel passionate about, that are with you all the time. Maybe noticing them again, will do you a world of good….especially on those days when the other ones you are with might not be showing you the love, you would love to feel. You can say, “Thank you very much, I’ve got it goin’ on anyway.”

Just a suggestion, too. Write this “Loves List” down, as we go through the month—-then, you will have it to refer to forever—so you can access—-in an instant—what is all ready there. An All-Access Pass to Love The One You’re With!

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How do you say “THANKS”? Or, do you?

Peggy — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:32:44 +0000

My mother was known for her easy-going, mild mannered disposition, except when it came to one thing. Thank-you notes.

Then, she became Atilla the Hun, or one of those nuns, raising a ruler overhead to deliver the sharp whack on the knuckles. Ferocious. Militant. The rule was—-a note went out (correct grammar and spelling, of course) within a week of receipt of the gifts. No excuses.

Call me old fashioned, now—-but I still like getting a note—via snail mail. Seeing real, live handwriting from someone who took the time to care—-and who might have even gone to the trouble to pick out a special stamp—-still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Don’t get me wrong—when I am in a rush, I will send a thank-you via email. But, I always feel guilty afterward. It’s not just my mother’s historic “tsk-tak” ringing in my ear but my own desire to continue the tradtions of civility. No matter what, I don’t believe high tech, with the most cleverly designed e-cards, will ever replace the high touch feeling of opening a card with someone’s heartfelt message written in their own hand inside. Emails are a way of acknowledging people, no question. But notes and cards, sent through the mail touch us with something extra. No?

I guess the point really is—to remember to say THANKS—-no matter how it gets done. The first week of the year, is almost over y’know. Do I sound like my mother?

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FOREVER FRIENDS

What Will People Remember About You?

Peggy — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 09:00:05 +0000

PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHERE YOU’RE FROM

THEY’LL FORGET WHAT YOU SAY

THEY’LL FORGET THOSE GLOWING PARTS, OF YOUR STUNNING RESUME

but they will always, always remember…….

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL……… ON ANY GIVEN DAY

Maya Angelou

Kissing Leads to…….More Kissing

Peggy — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 20:53:29 +0000

With the holidays, there’s a whole lot of kissing going on. There are all those air-kissing parties, passionate embraces of long-parted lovers descending into one another’s arms—from flights around the world, families reuniting in hugs and kisses, and all that mistletoe to make use of. It’s just the season of the SMOOCH. So, with that in mind, how about some enlightenment about the whole subject and science of kissing?

First: A definition. A kiss is the autonomic juxtaposition of two articular muscles in the state of contraction.

Pretty sexy, huh?

That, no kidding, is the scientific definition of a kiss. Thank Mrs. Maude Hildreth for this, please. She was my eighth grade biology teacher who tested me on this stunning bit of nearly useless information—which has remained forever imbedded in my mental file, labeled, “Your-gonna-be-glad-you-know-this-someday!” Now, that I can pass this on to you……yes, I am…..so glad about it.

Another reason I remember this so clearly, after all these years, is that Maude’s prickly, vociferous demeanor was such you could never imagine her puckering up, for anyone or anything. Not even a puppy. During this phase of biology, we were supposed to be learning the scientific definitions of all kinds of common bodily functions—like chewing, for example. But, the definition of chewing, has escaped me altogether, because I could imagine Maude chewing….everything. Sometimes she would show up in class, with little strings and chards of lunch still hanging from the gaps in her teeth. This whole kissing thing made quite the impression on me….and not for the obvious 14 year old, hormonal reason. From this Maude-ness, I learned the value of juxtapostion—-when two unlikely things get paired together in some kind of stunning contrast……it becomes more memorable. Thank you Maude for all these life lessons in science and contrast. Who knew? But……now, back to the smooching stats.

Did you know that you will spend approximately 2 weeks of your life…..kissing? Americans lock lips for an average of 336 hours—-or more than 20,000 minutes over a lifetime.

Kissing helps you look and feel younger. Kissing can slow the aging process because of the pleasure chemicals released within the brain and it tones facial muscles. You can also burn up to six calories a minute. Wonder what would happen if you could kiss the person next to you on the treadmill?

Americans coined the term French kissing in 1923. The French did not have to call it anything—they all ready knew what they were doing.

But, here’s the most important thing to remember, now and forever about kissing. No matter the age, the desire for closeness and intimacy never dissipates—a kiss is always something special between two people. A kiss, even a peck on the check, creates moment of magic between two people. It is something we always remember. Hugs, we forget. But….I bet you remember everything about the the first time you kissed your husband or wife or significant other—-or, try this one—-the very first kiss you ever had with anyone. Don’t you remember where you were, what was happening around you, what music was playing……..can’t you take yourself back there in a heartbeat? See what I mean? Remembering our kisses, even for a moment is like a laser, right to the heart. And, that’s a good thing.

Pucker up this holiday. Exercise those articular muscles.

“A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO LOOKS PAST YOUR BROKEN DOWN GATE AND ADMIRES THE ROSES ON YOUR FENCE” unknown

Peggy — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:00:42 +0000

Recently, I had the opportunity to see two women conduct a workshop together. Their presentation lasted over a series of three days, talking about grace, courage, and compassion. They wove stories of their own lives into the subject matter but the unifying force and the thing that grabbed me was the obivous bond of their enduring friendship.

Abiding love between two people is unmistakable. It reminds me of some of my favorite lyrics in a Leon Russell song–”I love you in a place where there’s no space or time.” That kind of love. These two women had it for one another, through all their chapters of marriages and kids and careers and “crash and burns” and glowing moments of success. Seeing that kind of friendship, in action, makes my heart sing too.

I am also fortunate to have shared this kind of love with my friends, male and female. So many, many times they were there in ways I could not have thought to even ask for.

One time, after going to an afternoon movie with a dear friend—-the subject matter hit a raw nerve for both of us. We walked out of the movie in silence and got into the car without a word. As I put the key into the ignition, the tears turned over instead. For the next two hours, we sat in the dark parking garage on a cold, rainy day—-sharing our hearts and the hideous parts of our lives. Thank you, Kay.

Another time, when I was having two different surgeries for cancer—one surgery was completed and I was waiting, to be taken to a different hospital for the next—-I was feeling cold, scared and very much alone—-when two friends walked in. One friend, stood by the bed, holding my hand—but the other turned around and left without even saying hello. Seconds later, he appeared with two toasty-warm blankets to wrap me up……….loved and safe. David and Jane. Thank you.

Screams of Consciousness is about being aware of the goodness we have in our lives—right now. The lessons and blessings life has provided each of us. It’s about remembering and savoring the times when the lights came on——150 watts worth. Feel free to share your own stories with me—-I will pass them on to thousands of people—in the more than 42 countries where this is being read each day. We might just move the world to a new and positive place…..together.

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Is It Time to Say Something?

Peggy — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:00:39 +0000

FOREVER FRIENDS

admin — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 09:00:07 +0000

In our sound-bite world where the need for speed, often supercedes quality and civility—--the time for cherishing our friends—-the ones who will step out of their lives to “be there” in ours, the ones who are with us when we fail and cheer us on when we are striving, who will leave a book at the door, or who know that a card in snail mail often means more—this one’s for you.

If you’re reading this in email and can’t see the video, click here to view it online.

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WHAT IS NORMAL?

Peggy — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:34:56 +0000

Normal is…….someone you don’t know very well.