Want a super new year?  Practice ... read more »]]> A friend sent me an email recently.  The content was short but her signature line captured my attention.  She told me it came from song lyrics by a rapper named Drake.  I don’t care where the truth comes from—-I just know when it does, it is undeniable.

Want a super new year?  Practice the following:

Live without pretending.

Love without depending.

Listen without defending.

Speak without offending.

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Others say, “Hell’s bells, with all that’s going on in the world, it’s time to do something radical….to get out of this stuck feeling.”

I say it’s time to know exactly what you really want.  In your heart ... read more »]]> Some people I have talked with lately, say it’s time to hunker down……sit tight.

Others say, “Hell’s bells, with all that’s going on in the world, it’s time to do something radical….to get out of this stuck feeling.”

I say it’s time to know exactly what you really want.  In your heart of hearts.

Time to go inside and sort things out.  Once and for all.

Huge storms, unexpected earthquakes, wars around the world and money in a state of flux…….they are all wake-up calls.  They let us know that we are not in control of anything, really…..except of our own thoughts and actions.  They let us know that “time’s a-wastin” if we are living less than our deepest truth and our highest potential.  Seen in the most positive light, they are hugely encouraging and urgent reminders to take stock, then take action.

If today was your last—would you leave here, satisfied….content….at peace….purposeful.  Or, would you feel sadness for the life you have not gotten around to living?

What are you waiting for?

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One year, I had a brunch.  For the invitation, I used those bacon boxes with the front flap that let’s you peek at the ... read more »]]> I love parties.  Everything about them.  The planning, the decorating,selecting the music, the menu-making, the invitation—-which is the first phase of setting the stage.  I really get into it. 

One year, I had a brunch.  For the invitation, I used those bacon boxes with the front flap that let’s you peek at the strips inside the package.  I never really understood what I was supposed to be looking for  when I raised that flap but it occurred to me that these boxes would make a great and goofy invitation. 

I removed the bacon and inserted the invitation, superimposed over a photographed background of fried eggs.   Then, these boxes were hand delivered to all the guests.  It’s hard to ignore a box of bacon in your mailbox or sitting on your desk when you get back from lunch.  Everyone came—walking through the door, laughing.  Even though,as a result of this invitation “brainstorm”,  it took almost three years to consume(don’t panic—bacon freezes forever)—it was totally worth it.  Every time, I look at a strip of bacon to this day—-it makes me smile, in spite of the grease, calories and cholesterol.

A great party has a way of sticking with you, doesn’t it?

A friend, who has attended most of my parties over the years, told me that he thought of me as being in the “transportation business”.   From the time  people get the invite—-they become transported from wherever they are to a much happier place.

For me, it’s one of the best ways to switch my own gears as well.  I have been feeling a bit blue lately—but I knew my book club was on its way to my house for an evening of girl talk and catching up—-and, oh yes, discussing our literary adventures. 

Creating and setting the table, three days in advance, definitely enabled me to pick my lip up off the floor.  I “fluffed” it up for Easter which was just around the corner—all the colors ushering in spring, bunny ears for everyone, fresh flowers floating in a little pool in the middle of the table, poofy napkins, pink candles….the whole bit.  Every time I walked past the table, it made me smile—-friends, food, laughter and fun…..on the way.  The anticipation, alone, shifted everything.

Want to shift your mood?

Here’s one quickie way to celebrate the day.  Use your heart-shaped or star-shaped cookie cutters to cut out your bread before  making toast—-then park the hearts and stars on a plate, slathered in love, butter, and jam—-soo-prise, soo-prise—everyone will leave the house smiling.  Party Hearty.

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That’s the short but definitive answer. 

Sometimes we get that confused. 

 ”Put the oxygen mask over our own noses first”—every time we fly, we are reminded.  I have never known anyone to argue with THAT concept of taking care of yourself first, so you can be clear headed enough to then focus on and ... read more »]]> No.

That’s the short but definitive answer. 

Sometimes we get that confused. 

 ”Put the oxygen mask over our own noses first”—every time we fly, we are reminded.  I have never known anyone to argue with THAT concept of taking care of yourself first, so you can be clear headed enough to then focus on and assist the ones you love, next—–but that same theory applied to the rest of our lives—must mean we are selfish, right? 

I am not sure when we got this into our heads, but, as a female,  it seems to be ingrained in our DNA and remains an ongoing internal battle.  Could it be that a lot of the times we find ourselves depressed or depleted or just plain angry is that we have this whole idea…..in reverse order?

For one thing, not loving and caring for ourselves first, is the fastest path to one of the biggest and most insidious, self-destructive traps we can fall into—-also, seemingly unique to women.  Martrydom.  I know you know what I’m talking about.  So, when’s the last time you loved being around a martyr?  All that self-less-ness, all that bending and scraping and flogging in the name of family or friendship—all that heavy sighing, while reporting the latest selfless act—-which, of course, went unnoticed, and totally unappreciated.  Martyrs often play see-saw with victims.

Instead of connecting with others, all this attempt at “love” just drives the ones we claim to love most,  away.  And, isn’t that what “Everyone-but-me- first” is ultimately all about?  Hoping for appreciation?  Hoping that others in your life will see how much you love them?  But, what if, by taking vigilant care of yourself and you own well being, you could embody love?  What if your  love of  your own life showed everyone else the way? 

By the way, I am not talking about self-absorbed, consume-all-the-air-in-the-room, narcisistic love. (we’ll deal with narcisism in future posts)  I am also not leaving God out of the equation.  I have never been one who needs to be politically correct about my love of God……first, first. It is a given….like air. I believe that God has a plan for my life—-and I am honoring God by carrying it out.  Taking care of myself in a way that sets this Divine Plan into motion is the essence of what I am talking about.

So, here’s the deal—I grapple with this whole notion of self-love being selfish too. Intellectually and spiritually, I know what’s right for me—-but emotionally, I deal, every day with this feeling.  We all have to decide what this balance is—what works for us. For me, talking about it  and bringing it to light—-creating a discussion around it—makes me feel less alone and conflicted.  One of the main reasons for writing SCREAMS of CONSCIOUSNESS is to ensure that you won’t feel alone either. We are all grappling with something. 

So, here’s a take-away for today…..if you read no further…this is it.  I am getting my arms around the idea of………

Learning that loving ME, first….does not make YOU, last.  It allows me to create the envelope for all that I hold dear. 

Also, I have found four things to be consistently true while trying to LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH…….

1.  Self-love identifies and honors your needs and energizes you for all the other aspects and responsibiities in life.

2.  Self-love assumes abundance—-it perpetuates abiding faith and authentic confidence—that 99% of the time, there will always be enough of you to go around. (And during those  1% times,  you will love yourself enough to ask for the right kind of support.)

3.  Self-love demonstrates a deep commitment to personal responsibility, consistency and self-reliance. Self-love and self-discipline are velcroed together.

4.  Self-love creates balance and boundaries.

So, does this sound too good to be true? 

For many of us, it is. It’s overwhelming to think of being that self-reliant, self-aware, self-directed, motivated and consistent.   Because it’s hard.  So hard.  To be all that we can be….all the time.  To be our best.  To use our gifts in a way that honors all that we have been given.  To have compassion for our own foibles and humanity.  To be vigilant about what does and does not work for our greatest good and to be courageous in the times when our values are being threatened.

The point is—-if we can’t see it and be it—then we have not developed enough of it to give to anyone else.  It leaves us depleted, depressed and sad and waiting for someone or something to pick up the slack, to be our next “magic bullet”, hoping someone or something will come along to pull our wagon, too. 

LOVE…starts with me……first.

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We can’t help sailing back through ... read more »]]> When we think of February, we always think of love and he-ing and she-ing….and maybe a President or two, too.  But, mostly, its romance and valentines and sweetheart dances and, chocolate, of course.  Then, there’s flowers, mushy cards, maybe even some jewelry and…. more chocolate.

We can’t help sailing back through an ocean of memories, thinking about “those times in our lives” with romantic partners, who knows how many…from that first kiss to moments of passion, no matter how fleeting but certainly never, ever forgotten.  Then, we land on the runway of today—the love we have in our lives, particularly in our relationships—how well they are working…or not.

MORE LOVE IN YOUR LIFE…..RIGHT NOW….All The Time

So what would it be like to think of the LOVES in our lives in general?  Of all the things in our own lives we love—-that can slip out of our consciousness on a day to day basis.  Since YOU are the only one with YOU, 24/7—-what if you could spend some time revisiting and refocusing on the loves in your very own life right now?

REKINDLE THE LOVE IN YOUR VERY OWN LIFE 

Yes, I know I am screaming at you with these headlines—but I am yelling just as loudly at myself. Because sometimes I forget—how much and how many things I love.  And, how they are right here, all around me. All the tiime.  And, with almost no effort at all, I can fill my very own life with love and not depend upon, or expect someone else to provide it for me.

MAKE YOUR OWN PERSONAL ‘LOVES LIST’

So, for this month of love, get ready.  Every other day, in February, you will receive a question to help you focus on the things that bring you joy, that you feel passionate about, that are with you all the time.  Maybe noticing them again, will do you a world of good….especially on those days when the other ones you are with might not be showing you the love, you would love to feel. You can say, “Thank you very much, I’ve got it goin’ on anyway.”

Just a suggestion, too.  Write this “Loves List” down, as we go through the month—-then, you will have it to refer to forever—so you can access—-in an instant—what is all ready there.  An All-Access Pass to Love The One You’re With!

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Then, she became Atilla the Hun, or one of those nuns, raising a ruler overhead to deliver the sharp whack on the knuckles.  Ferocious. Militant. The rule was—-a note went out (correct grammar and spelling, ... read more »]]> My mother was known for her easy-going, mild mannered disposition, except when it came to one thing.   Thank-you notes.

Then, she became Atilla the Hun, or one of those nuns, raising a ruler overhead to deliver the sharp whack on the knuckles.  Ferocious. Militant. The rule was—-a note went out (correct grammar and spelling, of course) within a week of receipt of the gifts.  No excuses.

Call me old fashioned, now—-but I still like getting a note—via snail mail.  Seeing real, live handwriting from someone who took the time to care—-and who might have even gone to the trouble to pick out a special stamp—-still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.   

Don’t get me wrong—when I am in a rush, I will send a thank-you via email.  But, I always feel guilty afterward.  It’s not just my mother’s historic “tsk-tak” ringing in my ear but my own desire to continue the tradtions of civility.  No matter what, I don’t believe high tech, with the most cleverly designed e-cards, will ever replace the high touch feeling of opening a card with someone’s heartfelt message written in their own hand inside.  Emails are a way of acknowledging people, no question.  But notes and cards, sent through the mail touch us with something extra.  No?

I guess the point really is—to remember to say THANKS—-no matter how it gets done.  The first week of the year, is almost over y’know.  Do I sound like my mother?

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but they will always, always remember…….

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL……… ON ANY GIVEN DAY

Maya Angelou