Screams of Consciousness » BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Diving Into Summer

Peggy — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:59:46 +0000

Even the clearest water seems opaque at great depth. Joel Agee

Summer is the time to take off from the routine of every day. Or, at least that’s the picket fence version of life. It’s the time of long, lazy days where the book you’ve been reading falls off your chest and doesn’t even wake you up when it hits the floor.

Little boys get their summer buzz cut. Lightening bugs are shown no mercy as they get collected in mason jars, with holes in the lids….so, o.k., a little mercy. We eat watermelon and spit the seeds at targets nailed to trees. In the south, we fan….and make ice cream….a lot.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of a cool, head-to-toe shower, after a day of play in the sun, followed by meeting up with friends and family on the porch, re-dressed in fresh, crispy clothes—for the single minded ritual of rocking away the rest of the day….as the gigantic Dreamsicle ball of sun melts into the earth just one more time. Heaven.

Kicking back also is a great time to dive in. Sometimes that extended inner quiet unearths the storm in your heart. Moments beneath the surface of your soul can excavate treasures buried under the stress of carpool, rfp’s, ailing parents, and making all your ends meet.

Sound good? Well, let me offer a treasure or two I have discovered in the process of my own nose dive into the navel—- wonderful books that could ease you into deeper waters if you would like to snorkel your way into more of you… this summer.

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo

As the title suggests, these are thoughts on being plugged in to your own life, written so that you can open to the exact day on the calendar or let it fall open to any page—-and see the miracle of how often the subject matter seems to fit something happening to you at that very moment.

THE ART of RESILIENCE: 100 Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World by Carol Orsborn

Carol offers ways to feel connected to the flow of life—even when it can seem to be interrupted on a regular basis. Again, as she outlines the 10 stages of resilience—you can take them in random order, letting your mind float—and not miss a thing.

“This is life’s promise to you. not that you will always get what you think you want. But that you can become great enough to embrace it all.” Carol Orsborn

So…..this summer, take the plunge.

Now is the time to be simple

Peggy — Mon, 10 May 2010 11:21:08 +0000

Now is the time to be simple.

Don’t let yoursef get swept up in other people’s agendas for you….or in your own ideas of what your life ought to look like. “Ought” is like “should”. It renders you out of the present and into judgment or blame or regret or less than.

True humility takes us to our center of truth. It’s unvarnished. It’s simple.

It takes great courage and strength to tell the whole truth about yourself, especially when you have suffered any kind of loss. It is much easier to select only the evidence that points up what THEY did, or how IT happened.

When you can see all of you, in the light of day……when you can activate all of you…..accepting your truth……then, and only then will you come to the next right answers for yourself.

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I HEAR YOU, TERRI: PEGGY ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

Loving Meryl Streep

Peggy — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 18:34:54 +0000

As an actress, there is almost no equal—her wisdom’s not so bad either. Could this be why we love Meryl Streep?

Her inner life informs the world around her. Most often, we call her “brilliant” but what we mistake for brilliance is actually something called alignment or congruence and that kind of clarity of mind, purpose and action is available to all of us.

“Everybody is interesting. Everybody has something unexpected to offer. The job of life….and acting is to pull it out of each other.”

“Integrate what you truly believe into every single area of your life. So, take your heart to work with you and ask the most and the best out of yourself and everyone else.”

“I think your self emerges more clearly over time which is one of the grandest benefits of aging”

“You can’t get spoiled if you do your own ironing.”

“We are who we’re going to be when we’re very old, and when we’re very old, we become who we were when we were 8.”

“I want to feel my life while I’m in it.”

What’s true for you?

Is Self-love, Self-ish?

Peggy — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:10:09 +0000

No.

That’s the short but definitive answer.

Sometimes we get that confused.

”Put the oxygen mask over our own noses first”—every time we fly, we are reminded. I have never known anyone to argue with THAT concept of taking care of yourself first, so you can be clear headed enough to then focus on and assist the ones you love, next—–but that same theory applied to the rest of our lives—must mean we are selfish, right?

I am not sure when we got this into our heads, but, as a female, it seems to be ingrained in our DNA and remains an ongoing internal battle. Could it be that a lot of the times we find ourselves depressed or depleted or just plain angry is that we have this whole idea…..in reverse order?

For one thing, not loving and caring for ourselves first, is the fastest path to one of the biggest and most insidious, self-destructive traps we can fall into—-also, seemingly unique to women. Martrydom. I know you know what I’m talking about. So, when’s the last time you loved being around a martyr? All that self-less-ness, all that bending and scraping and flogging in the name of family or friendship—all that heavy sighing, while reporting the latest selfless act—-which, of course, went unnoticed, and totally unappreciated. Martyrs often play see-saw with victims.

Instead of connecting with others, all this attempt at “love” just drives the ones we claim to love most, away. And, isn’t that what “Everyone-but-me- first” is ultimately all about? Hoping for appreciation? Hoping that others in your life will see how much you love them? But, what if, by taking vigilant care of yourself and you own well being, you could embody love? What if your love of your own life showed everyone else the way?

By the way, I am not talking about self-absorbed, consume-all-the-air-in-the-room, narcisistic love. (we’ll deal with narcisism in future posts) I am also not leaving God out of the equation. I have never been one who needs to be politically correct about my love of God……first, first. It is a given….like air. I believe that God has a plan for my life—-and I am honoring God by carrying it out. Taking care of myself in a way that sets this Divine Plan into motion is the essence of what I am talking about.

So, here’s the deal—I grapple with this whole notion of self-love being selfish too. Intellectually and spiritually, I know what’s right for me—-but emotionally, I deal, every day with this feeling. We all have to decide what this balance is—what works for us. For me, talking about it and bringing it to light—-creating a discussion around it—makes me feel less alone and conflicted. One of the main reasons for writing SCREAMS of CONSCIOUSNESS is to ensure that you won’t feel alone either. We are all grappling with something.

So, here’s a take-away for today…..if you read no further…this is it. I am getting my arms around the idea of………

Learning that loving ME, first….does not make YOU, last. It allows me to create the envelope for all that I hold dear.

Also, I have found four things to be consistently true while trying to LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH…….

1. Self-love identifies and honors your needs and energizes you for all the other aspects and responsibiities in life.

2. Self-love assumes abundance—-it perpetuates abiding faith and authentic confidence—that 99% of the time, there will always be enough of you to go around. (And during those 1% times, you will love yourself enough to ask for the right kind of support.)

3. Self-love demonstrates a deep commitment to personal responsibility, consistency and self-reliance. Self-love and self-discipline are velcroed together.

4. Self-love creates balance and boundaries.

So, does this sound too good to be true?

For many of us, it is. It’s overwhelming to think of being that self-reliant, self-aware, self-directed, motivated and consistent. Because it’s hard. So hard. To be all that we can be….all the time. To be our best. To use our gifts in a way that honors all that we have been given. To have compassion for our own foibles and humanity. To be vigilant about what does and does not work for our greatest good and to be courageous in the times when our values are being threatened.

The point is—-if we can’t see it and be it—then we have not developed enough of it to give to anyone else. It leaves us depleted, depressed and sad and waiting for someone or something to pick up the slack, to be our next “magic bullet”, hoping someone or something will come along to pull our wagon, too.

LOVE…starts with me……first.

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Love The One You’re With—What Tastes Like Love to You?

Peggy — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 09:00:40 +0000

Day Four. Since you are with you, 24/7—-finding love, in your own unique way—accessing more of it every day for your own pleasure and well being, just seems like a fine idea…..doesn’t it?

If you could start a journal of LOVE NOTES—ways in which you can see and feel more love in your life—-and, here’s one even better—-love…..on your terms, without the help or expectation that it needs to come from somewhere or someone else—-this would be a very, very good thing, no? That’s what this series is designed to do. Each post will explore the loves of your life….what is all ready right there, on the tip of your tongue, the top of your head, and from the times of your life. Take notes and tuck them away…..for those days when love seems to have slipped through your fingers, you can instantly plug into something special and loving. Soooooooo………………

WHAT TASTES LIKE LOVE TO YOU?

When I ask myself that question, I immediately think of sweets. Cookies, in particular. There is a bakery near my house which has gotten lots of my business over the years—-if my car could have an APP, it would be the one that would drive to Celebrity Bakery, every day, at 3:00pm. As I have said to friends, who were wondering about the crumbs still stuck to my lips—-”at Celebrity Bakery, every cookie is a party.” Their lusciously iced works of art and wonder change all during the year to celebrate the season. Festive. Food. Fun. How could you not love that?

That’s what comes to mind, first. But, lately I have begun to wonder if the tastes I associate with love—-actually love me back. Take cookies, again. In addition to my favorite taste combination of being sweet-but-not-too-sweet, and, also reminding me of the birthday parties from way-back yesteryear, I must admit that they also send a tiny little rebel yell throughout my system as I eat them, in the car, on the way home. If I eat them when no one is looking, vacuum the crumbs out of the front seat before my husband sees—then, could they possibly have ANY calories? Think of the tiny little “sin” I have just gotten away with! The joy. The triumph. The rush.

But, wait just a minute.

The truth is—-what seems like LOVE—-in the moment, is actually an itty bitty but insidious form of self-abuse in the aggregate. Ultimately, the pretty but empty calories only propel the desire for more empty calories. And, the sugar rush only makes my energy drop like a hot rock about an hour later. I can go from “cookie-to-cranky” in no time. And, I choose to do this, day after day. Would you call THAT…….love?

So, today, as you are making your “Tastes That Say Love” list ……please consider taking a page from my notebook and be a bit more discerning. Think about the things that love you back, every time. Then, when you have the urge to eat something……maybe during or after a stressful day….to fill in that “inner gap”……it will really end up being just that. Loves that love you back.

Please let me hear from you—-this list could help all of us—-tune in to our own personal Food Channel with the true tastes of love.

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Love the One You’re With……Ear, Ear…What Do You Love to Hear?

Peggy — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:00:51 +0000

DAY TWO—-Worried that you are all ready behind? Don’t. You can go back to Day One, any time. And, you can jump in right here, no problem—-accessing and exploring ways to instantly find more love in your life. That’s what we are going to do, all during the month of LOVE….February.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO HEAR….WHAT IS ‘MUSIC’ TO YOUR EARS?

Just like the sense of smell—-what we hear also bypasses our rational brain and takes us straight to our limbic system, where all our innermost feelings, from the beginning of time, are stored. That’s why when we hear a certain song, we can recall every detail of the experience linked to it. Powerful stuff. It provides instant access to the moments in our lives when love was online.

We are going to re-access these moments as much as we can. Points of reference that will make you warm and fuzzy all over. That’s why I also suggest, that this month, you keep these LOVE NOTES together, in one place, for those days when you might need a “pick-me-up” or a reminder of all those Hallmark moments in your life.

MUSIC to Love Life With, Again and Again. These days, ITunes and Ipods give us a golden, moldy-oldy-goldy opportunity to access so many times when we felt love. If you know how to create playlists or have access to someone under 25 who can whip together a buffet of “Your Own Greatest Hits” in a few minutes— take advantage of it now! Nobody but you needs to know about your own personal jukebox—but think of how great it would make you feel to go on a walk, or just stay in the sack a few extra minutes before getting up, if you had these songs to listen to—-to reconnect, recharge, review and renew the loves in your life for another day. Wow, what a surge. It works. You can continually add to and improve upon your list, as you hear songs that trigger reminders of those times to treasure—so that in any given moment you have instant access to the day when you made the touchdown, or had on “that amazing dress” or kisssed your first child or received recognition for something hard earned.

Here are some examples that may spark a loving memory for you to re-visit: Some of my love sounds are: 1. The music played at my wedding 2. Music that makes me want to get-a-move-on or to sing at the top of my lungs….almost anything by Tina Turner, the Pointer Sisters, old disco stuff–Donna Summer and I both left our cake out in the rain once or twice (remember….this is YOUR LOVE LIST—no need to “keep up with whatever is current….this is just for your ears only) 3. Super soothing stuff —in particular, music by George Skaroulis—whose ethereal, dreamlike meanderings, my husband and I discovered in a CD case by our hotel bedside—-where we stayed on a long, rainy, lazy, fall weekend—-while we read, all day, by a crackling fire. Oh my, I am there now, snuggled in a blanket, surrounded by the blazing orange and gold leaves…..without a care in the world…..certain that “life-does-not-get-better-than-this”. I am playing that very music as I write this post—back there AND right here—-love and comfort velcroed together.

See how this works?

LOVING MORE THAN THE SOUND OF MUSIC

Music is certainly not the only sound to love. Other loving sounds are all around us, every day. It’s just a matter of keying into them and reminding ourselves in those moments—-”This is something I love.” Everyone’s are different which is what makes this a very unique journey—–special reinforcements for your own loving nature.

So, think about the other sounds of love in your life. Do any of these hit home with you???????

1. The sound of the dishwasher at night. To me, it says, “this day is done”. Everything is in order. Ahhhhh.

2. The sound of a fire crackling and snapping and shifting in the fireplace. (I make what may seem like an obvious distinction but our house burned down not long ago, so “in the fireplace” is the only place fire sounds like love!) A fire makes me feel a primordial connection to nature, even in my urban townhouse. It also reminds me of the years I was a girl scout, cooking out over the open fire and the silly songs we sang, with gooey s’mores running down our chins. Loved those giggling, goofy, girly-girl times.

3. There’s another sound I have always loved, but it requires a tiny little story, first.

I used to have a big, fat, blue-eyed, white cat named, Fatty Biscuit. As I was plopped up in bed, with lots of pillows—-my favorite place to read, Fatty would crawl up on the pillows behind me, then perch himself , partly on the pillows but mostly, on my head—literally, with his paws anchored right in the middle of my forehead. If you had taken my photo, it would appear as if I was wearing a huge, white, living, ”Cat Hat”—-FB also seemed to be reading right along with me. This pleased him no end (and amused me almost to the point of wetting my pants). And, you know what happens with a happy cat. Purring. The likes of which were sort of a cross between a vibrator and a leaf blower. FB’s ecstacy was so profound in these heady moments that once, when I was on the phone with a friend, they asked ”What is that ‘motor’ I am hearing? So purring, any purring…….love that sound. (footnote on Fatty—-he is in kitty heaven—after many happy trails and tails)

SO, LISTEN…..hears the deal……

What we focus on—–multiplies. Rather than what often creeps into our comments and conversations—”That drives me nuts!” I hate that about ____________”. “Shut-Up!” “What….are you kidding me?” “How stupid can you get?” “That’s c-r-a-z-y!”. Sound familiar?

Think right now—–if you punctuated the paragraphs of your day—-saying more often, to yourself —-”I love this….or that”—just because you zeroed in on these love notes? What could it do for the greater quality of your life? Your love life(horizontal) and your love OF life(vertical)? What if you actually did–create your own GREATEST HITS and listen to them regularly? Making that happen for yourself is a commitment to love and joy and pleasure…….and that commitment alone, is something to love.

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Love The One You’re With….What Your Nose Knows..and Loves

Peggy — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 09:00:39 +0000

DAY ONE. Welcome to the first day in a series, during this month of LOVE, to explore and access the loves in your life. Grab a pen and paper to make your own Love Notes and keep them safe—because you will want them on those days when love seems to be hiding out—you will know where to go—to find it again.

Love The One You’re With—-What Do You Love To Smell?

The five senses and love are inextricably tied to one another. As a matter of fact, volumes of research have proven that the olfactory nerve, also known, quite scientifically, as our “sniffer” is the most powerful of all our senses.

From the get-go, our sense of smell, even at birth, bonds us most deeply with our mothers and fathers. Our ability to smell creates a direct pathway into the brain, bypassing all rational receptors, and heads straight for our limbic systems where every emotional moment in our lives is stored. We are literally, tuned in and turned on by our sense of smell. A certain smell can take us to our grandmother’s front porch where we churned the homemade ice cream for the fresh peach pie she was baking. Or, the smell of incense can remind us of the day of our communion when we were at the altar of the church, so nervous, we had rotten socks in our stomachs and our hands were sweating. We can recall every detail of those moments from just a whiff of something similar—-20, 30, 40 years later.

Perfumers count on us to spend billions of dollars each year to anchor our lives in the smells we love on our own skin and on the ones we are attracted to. No question, if the movies or TV could create “Smell-O-Vision”, they would have figured out a way all ready.

So, we can let love into our lives in an instant by creating some of the same smells that take us to places within ourselves that bring up love and safety and joy. I’ll share a few of my own examples to help you get the ball rolling:

1. I love the smell of roses. That smell parks me in a time when I was six, or so, somewhere between kindergarten and first grade. There was a rose garden in our neighborhood, lovingly tended by a lady whose name I don’t even remember. What I do vividly remember is walking to and from school, where I took extra time to stick my nose in every rose, smelling each one as far as my lungs would take me. As I write this, a reflexive smile revists that memory with me. Those rose garden moments anchored other indelible life budding lessons as well.

Seeing my neighbor, doing her daily “clucking”, consistently creating a concert with nature, as she turned the dirt and pruned and watered her “children”, each bush with its own name, she made evident, the stunning results of discipline and devotion. As she explained what she was doing, love was blooming in her words and in the smile on her face. Even at that young age, I remember thinking about how neat it would be when I “was old someday” to be sure to have something I loved to do as much as she did. The fascination of nature at work, held me in its grip as I focused on a particular bud on Monday morning—-then I watched that same bud every day, as it slowly and seemlessly unfolded into another intricate masterpiece, a full blown rose….waitng there to pleasure a curious, carefree kid.

SEEK THE SMELL and all will be well.

Now, I buy roses, usually at the grocery store. For some reason, they don’t have that heavenly smell any more. I think the breeders are going for quantity—and in a funny irony—the florist told me that many commercial roses have been bred not to have thorns—when the thorns went away, so did the smell. But, that’s another discussion for another day. The point is, I still search out that smell. And, I have found it in certain candles and lotions and perfumes using just the right amount of essential oil, taking me back to the garden I loved so much.

Hint: If you are lover of the smell of roses—- Try any Jo Malone products—the perfect rose smell. Fabulous candles. And for body products, lotions, and creams a new line called Nourishing Rose, RENEW, by Aromatherapy Associates is wonderful, too.

2. Clothes, just out of the dryer. That’s an easy one to duplicate. To me, it smells like freshness and order, innocence and safety. No big stories to attach that feeling to—just a gut reaction to laundry! Sometimes, I grab the entire load of warm things, still balled into tangled wads right out of the dryer and just throw the whole kit and caboodle on the bed—-then I dive, face first, right into the pile. Warm and soft. My nose is leaping for joy—if it could clap—this one would be a standing ovation moment.

3. The smell of Snickerdoodles, baking in the oven, when I walk in the door. For me, there is nothing like the transition from the world “out there” to the “Welcome Home” of coming through the door to the smell of soup cooking on the stove or cookies, baking in the oven. Creating that scenario, if you live alone, or if you are usually the one in the kitchen, cooking the food, can be tricky. It’s not often that your nose gets that loving jolt of contrast. But, my oven has one of those pre-set timers on it—so I can put the dough in the oven—and set it to turn on an hour later. If the cookies take 10 minutes to bake, then I can go for an hour walk and head toward home just in time to enter the house, now overpowered with the aroma of vanilla, butter and cinnamon–while rescuing the cookies for later. My walk is filled with the anticipation of my own “Welcome Home” knowing that, in mere minutes, I will be enveloped with a snoot-full of love.

What smells like ‘love’ to you?

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Love The One You’re With….That Means You!

Peggy — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 20:43:29 +0000

When we think of February, we always think of love and he-ing and she-ing….and maybe a President or two, too. But, mostly, its romance and valentines and sweetheart dances and, chocolate, of course. Then, there’s flowers, mushy cards, maybe even some jewelry and…. more chocolate.

We can’t help sailing back through an ocean of memories, thinking about “those times in our lives” with romantic partners, who knows how many…from that first kiss to moments of passion, no matter how fleeting but certainly never, ever forgotten. Then, we land on the runway of today—the love we have in our lives, particularly in our relationships—how well they are working…or not.

MORE LOVE IN YOUR LIFE…..RIGHT NOW….All The Time

So what would it be like to think of the LOVES in our lives in general? Of all the things in our own lives we love—-that can slip out of our consciousness on a day to day basis. Since YOU are the only one with YOU, 24/7—-what if you could spend some time revisiting and refocusing on the loves in your very own life right now?

REKINDLE THE LOVE IN YOUR VERY OWN LIFE

Yes, I know I am screaming at you with these headlines—but I am yelling just as loudly at myself. Because sometimes I forget—how much and how many things I love. And, how they are right here, all around me. All the tiime. And, with almost no effort at all, I can fill my very own life with love and not depend upon, or expect someone else to provide it for me.

MAKE YOUR OWN PERSONAL ‘LOVES LIST’

So, for this month of love, get ready. Every other day, in February, you will receive a question to help you focus on the things that bring you joy, that you feel passionate about, that are with you all the time. Maybe noticing them again, will do you a world of good….especially on those days when the other ones you are with might not be showing you the love, you would love to feel. You can say, “Thank you very much, I’ve got it goin’ on anyway.”

Just a suggestion, too. Write this “Loves List” down, as we go through the month—-then, you will have it to refer to forever—so you can access—-in an instant—what is all ready there. An All-Access Pass to Love The One You’re With!

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A New Way To Do Absolutely Everything

Peggy — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:00:59 +0000

A NEW WAY TO DO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING certainly sounds promising doesn’t it? Not only is that the name of a great, regular radio show, created and hosted by Elese Coit on Contact Talk Radio…….but also, Screams of Consciousness is the sponsor.

Join Elese and me, today, as we talk about…. “Making the Right Decision for You….Every Time”

Studies show that, on average, we make around 1,200 decisions each day—that’s just day-in-day-out stuff. Doesn’t it feel like there’s so much more we are expected to know? Decisions, decisions, decisions—they seem to be coming at us faster than ever.

If you are in the midst of making some key decisions in your life right now, or even if you are just trying to make plans for your upcoming holidays——this show could show you the way—-to make decisions that won’t send you down one more blind alley.

The show airs at 10:00am Pacific Time. You can catch it by going to www.ContactTalkRadio.com Also, you can join us on air, to ask a question LIVE! Call in Access Number 877-230-3062

If you can’t make the broadcast, they are always archived so you won’t have to miss out on a thing. Go to the website and click on the ”Archive” button or the “Host” button and look for the host’s name, Elese Coit. There you can listen to previous shows and the many new ways to do absolutely everything!

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Making Your Best Decision..Every Time

Peggy — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:00:29 +0000

These days, we are called upon to sort and shift and sift all kinds of information in a nano second. Sometimes, we need to make decisions in the same super-fast-snap-your-fingers-and-be-right-this-instant, kind of way. That can feel like a lot of pressure.

Some things may take longer to process—-big decisions about career, life partners, moving across country, buying a house, etc. What I am talking about is the day-to-day stuff where we are required to make decisions that can either make our day…or make us crazy—-depending on which direction we take.

Here’s a sure fire way to get what’s right for you—–right……..every time. In that split second, just ask yourself……..

IF I MOVE FORWARD ON THIS……..WILL IT BRING ME MORE PEACE?

Then…..honor….and do……what’s true…..for you.

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