Want a super new year?  Practice ... read more »]]> A friend sent me an email recently.  The content was short but her signature line captured my attention.  She told me it came from song lyrics by a rapper named Drake.  I don’t care where the truth comes from—-I just know when it does, it is undeniable.

Want a super new year?  Practice the following:

Live without pretending.

Love without depending.

Listen without defending.

Speak without offending.

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The twisted madness that would lead people to carry out such unabashed cruelty—man against man—also turned the dial on an equally deep well of compassion, generosity and kindness….for a while.  Do you remember? 

Miracles also occurred…..stories worth re-telling and passing on as reminders of the ... read more »]]> No question.  911 changed all of us.

The twisted madness that would lead people to carry out such unabashed cruelty—man against man—also turned the dial on an equally deep well of compassion, generosity and kindness….for a while.  Do you remember? 

Miracles also occurred…..stories worth re-telling and passing on as reminders of the power of the human heart and spirit….reminders of the every day opportunities we have to heal and to help, not only others…but ourselves as well.

A few years after 911, I was a student at  The New Seminary (the oldest interfaith seminary in North America, based in New York City).   It was run by Rabbi Roger Ross, along with his wife, Deborah Steen-Ross,  an Anglican priest.  Rabbi Roger, as we called him,  had his own life-altering experience while being a part of the New York City Crisis Counseling Team, in the aftermath. What he shared with us, I share with you, now.

Rabbi Roger worked at Ground Zero, in grueling and grotesque, 14 hour shifts for many, many days. One afternoon, as he was moving through the mayhem,  he noticed a lone firefighter, sitting on top of a pile of twisted rubble, crying unabashedly.  As he made his way over to the distraught man, suddenly, he too, felt overwhelmed.   

Wait just a minute—HE, was supposed to be the one, holding it together, right?  Like one more shreiking siren, his own inner critic began to wail in his ear.  At a time when he should have been thinking of someone else, he found himself consumed only with his own feelings of inadequacy….his own inability to find the right words.  Only one word came.  “Run!”

Willing himself to move forward, Rabbi Roger assumed his years of training would kick in once he was face to face with the sobbing and exhausted man. To his horror…… nothing.

So, without a word, he simply plopped down in the rubble right next to the young man whose gaze remained blank and unwavering.  The only thing that passed between them were periodic gulping sobs of stench-filled air. Minutes passed.  Then more. 

Rabbi Roger was not sure how long they sat there, saying absolutely nothing to one another.   He only knew how completely idiotic and impotent he felt at a time when he was supposed to “be there” for this grief-stricken young hero. 

Then, it hit him.

HE was in his own way—– focused, entirely upon HIMSELF and his seeming ineptitude. The eloquent and comforting words he wanted to access, were caught under the rubble of his own sanctimonious, highly critical ego—-in his anger and lack of compassion toward himself.   In that moment his focus shifted––from what was lacking in him—-to the desire to care for, and comfort someone who needed something beyond what words could ever provide. 

Rabbi Roger silently asked God for restoration of this young man’s spirit, that his fractured soul would be freed of lingering fear and bitterness, enabling him to have a new view of life that would be whole and positive, someday. 

Then, he reached for the man’s hand. More quiet time passed. When the young man, seemed ready to release his grip, Rabbi Roger knew it was time to move on, assuming he would never see the young man again. The two parted silently as well.

A few weeks later, when he was attending, yet another, firefighter’s funeral, Rabbi Roger felt a tap on the shoulder.  As he turned, he recognized the now clean face of that same young man.  For just a flash—Rabbi Roger’s inner critic reminded him of what he thought were his failings that day. 

He was about to apologize,  when the young man said, “I still don’t know who you are.  But what you said to me that day, sitting on that giant pile of Hell—–saved my life.  I could not stand to think about the father and brother and friends I had lost.  I wanted to die too. You sat down. You took my hand.  No fanfare.  No flowery words.  You were just there. 

Then you told me ” ‘Keep the Faith’.  ”This is not the end of YOUR life.  Now is your chance to be a man, for yourself, your family, and your community.”  You were exactly right, in the exact moment I was contemplating taking my own life, you told me the truth.

Because of you, I got up. The anger and fear went away. I felt brave and determined.  This WAS my chance–to step up to the challenges, to become an example of courage and loyalty and good will, in the face of all this destruction. I will never forget you. Your words.  They were just what I needed to hear. Thank you”.

Rabbi Roger knew no words had come from him. They were conveyed when he opened his heart and reached for a hand, saying nothing.

Sometimes, when we think we are failing, we are doing anything but.  Sometimes when we bypass our own fear of “doing it right or behaving perfectly”—–a compassionate gesture, guided purely by faith, creates the miracle that means everything.

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Others say, “Hell’s bells, with all that’s going on in the world, it’s time to do something radical….to get out of this stuck feeling.”

I say it’s time to know exactly what you really want.  In your heart ... read more »]]> Some people I have talked with lately, say it’s time to hunker down……sit tight.

Others say, “Hell’s bells, with all that’s going on in the world, it’s time to do something radical….to get out of this stuck feeling.”

I say it’s time to know exactly what you really want.  In your heart of hearts.

Time to go inside and sort things out.  Once and for all.

Huge storms, unexpected earthquakes, wars around the world and money in a state of flux…….they are all wake-up calls.  They let us know that we are not in control of anything, really…..except of our own thoughts and actions.  They let us know that “time’s a-wastin” if we are living less than our deepest truth and our highest potential.  Seen in the most positive light, they are hugely encouraging and urgent reminders to take stock, then take action.

If today was your last—would you leave here, satisfied….content….at peace….purposeful.  Or, would you feel sadness for the life you have not gotten around to living?

What are you waiting for?

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Today, I was having a reverse pucker of a morning.  A major “What-the-hell-are-you-doing?” kick-off.  Then, ... read more »]]> Like the sound of this?  Me too.  Seven decisions, taken to heart, will guarantee your success.  Just seven.  Focus on one, each day, in a rotation…..and watch the wonder of your life unfold.  It’s simple.  But not easy.

Today, I was having a reverse pucker of a morning.  A major “What-the-hell-are-you-doing?” kick-off.  Then, I remembered my list.  I decided to bypass whatever reasons this list was not taped to my mirror or tatooed onto my forehead.  That’s a discussion for a different day.   

THE SEVEN DECISIONS of PERSONAL  SUCCESS

1.  The buck stops with me.  I am responsible for my past and my future.

2.  I seek wisdom.  The solutions I find, I willingly share with others.

3.  I choose now.  I push through my fear.  I am a person of action.

4.  My destiny is assured.  Clarity of purpose insures right action.  What may look or feel like failure I see as fine tuning.

5.  Today, I choose to be happy.  I possess a grateful spirit.  I seek to see the gift in every situation which expands my thinking and allows greater opportunity to be revealed.

6.  I greet the day with a forgiving spirit.  I forgive myself first.

7.  I persist without exception, by listening to and honoring my inner voice for I am a person of great faith.

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Where has the time gone?

Are you filling your days with ‘busy’? 

How are those resolutions ... read more »]]> If you are having an anxiety attack over the fact that the first month of the new year is now, officially OVER, then seeing how far it is until Christmas should make you feel so much better.

Where has the time gone?

Are you filling your days with ‘busy’? 

How are those resolutions working for ‘ya?

Is it time to fulfill that purpose of yours……or at least to find out what it might be?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

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There is no secret to anything.  Not to weight loss.  Not to finding Mr. Right.  Or to a career that is a calling.  Or to getting rich.

Not one single secret.

What we keep looking for is that magic bullet.  The one thing that is a quick-fix guarantee, short circuiting ... read more »]]> O.K. gang. Really.

There is no secret to anything.  Not to weight loss.  Not to finding Mr. Right.  Or to a career that is a calling.  Or to getting rich.

Not one single secret.

What we keep looking for is that magic bullet.  The one thing that is a quick-fix guarantee, short circuiting the process to what we want.  Fast and easy—from point A to the finish line, with flying colors—gimme some of that.

Last year, when a friend called to ask what I was doing—-I admitted, “I am waiting.”  “For what?”, she asked. “For The Prize Patrol from Publisher’s Clearing House to knock on my door with the money.”  This fast and easy concept has had me in its grip for years, too.

The handsome prince kisses the princess awake from a deep sleep and whisks her away to the golden castle, full of riches.  Happens all the time—-as a matter of fact—we are glued to the upcoming wedding confirming that very thing.  Fairy tales DO come true…..see there.  With world-wide, round the clock coverage even.

We want to believe there truly are overnight sensations. You Tube has fueled our hope.  Film your parakeet flying a kite and no telling what could happen.  If there is a chance for Justin Beiber and the chickens, singing and sweating to the beat, on their treadmills, to become rich and famous, then maybe there is still a chance for me.

Right?

If you looked more closely, I bet you would find that even Justin Beiber practiced his piano for hours.  He had coaches and teachers and took lessons for years.  He performed in high school musicals and plays.  The “secret” to his discovery had no rabbits and no hats involved.  He worked.  At something he loved.  And, then he stuck his neck out to set his dream into motion. He posted himself on You Tube. It was not some fluke but an act of intention.

Last year, I lost 40+ pounds in just under four months.  To most people who saw me before and after—it seemed like overnight.

Now, people have wanted to know my “secret”.  There’s not one.  It was a process with nothing “quick fix” about it.  Here’s what I did.  

I decided.  To do the work.  Myself.  Period.

1.  I became more conscious of everything that went into my mouth by writing it down.

2.I burned more calories than I ate.

3. I worked out consistently and got the help I needed to become accountable for the first 6 weeks, to reach goals and establish new habits. 

4. I drew a mental line down my plate and ate half as much.  I ate the other half for my next meal or the next day.

I ate what I wanted. And, in a few weeks,  I found myself wanting things to support feeling great.  I went out to restaurants, as always, but actually spent less money because I “doggy-bagged” more.   In this process, I found a new community of friends with the same goals at my gym,  So, it made it easier and easier to get going every day. I started missing it when I could not go. Were there techniques shared and recipes exchanged to aid the momentum?  You bet. That’s what camaraderie does to people.  It opens us up to rally love and support, sharing  tips and tricks, in both directions.  But…no secrets and no short-cuts here. It was work. 

And,as time went by and pounds melted away,  it made me feel better about myself than I have in years.  By NOT short circuiting the process, a new world opened to me.  I began to see discipline as love, rather than deprivation.

One of the great benefits of approaching geezerdom is that, finally, there are some things that have consistent clarity. 

There is no great big secret.  Only the truth.  The process of finding what’s true for each of us can be a long and winding road.  The short cuts, most often, lead to dead ends.

We really know that, don’t we?

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If something you are doing, just isn’t working….if you are starting those knot-in-your-stomach,  ”what-the-hell-was-I-thinking?” questions at 3:00am—-what ... read more »]]> There are times when the path we are on, building a dream, seems to be chocked full of potholes.  Three steps forward.  Clunk. Crash.  Two steps sideways. Bam.  Surge forward again.  Then, boom. Uh oh. More setbacks.

If something you are doing, just isn’t working….if you are starting those knot-in-your-stomach,  ”what-the-hell-was-I-thinking?” questions at 3:00am—-what to do?

The answer is—-STOP.  Do as much of nothing as possible—for at least 24 hours.  As a matter of fact, here is a new path to follow:

1.  Be still.  Sleep in.  Play hooky at an afternoon movie.  Pull the plug on even thinking about your project, at all.

2. Remind yourself that you are not crazy, lazy or stupid.  Everything that’s happened or not, is there to inform your final outcome.  You may simply be in need a course correction.  And, look at it this way—whatever has happened so far, enables you to check one more thing off your TO DO list. No need to visit any of it again.

2.  Then, do something that you know you will enjoy, something easy, something that has a definite beginning and ending.  Something where you can have an idea, make it tangible, share it with others and enjoy it, from start to finish. 

I have found this to be the best way to counteract those impotent feelings that come from seemingly endless efforting without the results we want.  Climb out of that pit of self-doubt and hyper-criticism when those “See-I-told-you- I-was-a-failure” stories start to find their way into your internal dialogue.

When I find myself in that place (By the way,  all people who ever accomplish anything will find themselves there at one time or another)—-I cook.  Some people get out into the garden—making it more beautiful, just by pulling weeds or planting flowers.  Others, clean out a closet that needs it, turning chaos into order and serenity.  It’s all about taking charge, and through your efforts and creativity, something tangible and more beautiful takes place.  It’s important that it get shared and acknowledged by someone who counts in your life, too.

So, I start by finding a recipe.  Just thumbing through lots of colorful cookbooks gives my need for visual stimulation a lift.   Then, I  head off to the store, taking in the view and the smells and the colors and the textures of all the bounty in the produce section. It may sound totally ridiculous, but I just stand there, right in the middle of the eight different kinds of apples and revel in the abundance surrounding me. No way not to give thanks for all that we have to choose from.  I start to feel very grateful and lucky. 

Once home, I turn on my favorite music.  I am reminded of a house full of high-energy friends enjoying themselves or a high school party where that  dress I wore made me feel like a princess.  The gnarled gears of frustration begin to shift.

Let the cooking begin!  Transforming  pods of this and stalks of that into something even more beautiful and delicious, not only warms my heart but gives me a certain sense of power and control over my own destiny. No need to leap any tall buildings when I am chopping and simmering on the way to a platter full of pleasure.  Even if its for one meal—it is confirmation that I can initiate, create and complete something with seamless success.  “Loser” has left the building.

This whole process also accesses another love of mine—anticipating the moment when my husband walks in the house, with his nose to lead him into the kitchen, exclaiming, “WOW!  What’s for dinner?”  Love and garlic, fill the air. 

So, that’s my story for shifting into out of the pot holes and into HAPPY. 

What I have learned is this. When the frustration is up to here—–it’s time to return to my simplest, deepest truth.  Step back from the efforting and see if it’s really in alignment with my heart or swirling in my ego.  Am I doing this, whatever it is, to impress or to express?

The sign on the side of the Yellow Brick Road—-YIELD.

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A very smart friend suggested a way to reframe “I CAN’T” into something much ... read more »]]> Whenever I am in “I CAN’T” mode, I really don’t ever feel very confident or powerful.  Actually, “I CAN’T” makes me feel downright flat….even a little guilty, when it’s actually something I just don’t want to do.

A very smart friend suggested a way to reframe “I CAN’T” into something much more powerful and certainly, most often, more true.  So, as you know, I like to share that with you.

Try this.  The next time, you tell yourself—”I CAN’T”—- say instead

“I CHOOSE NOT TO”. 

See what a difference that can make.

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